An Instant Connection

It’s incredible where life takes us and who we get to meet along the way. I can’t recollect when exactly I had the pleasure of meeting Beth King. I do remember the location and that moment of instant connection. We were at a cellect support group. I attended the monthly meetings and she was a new face in the crowd. I felt her eyes on me as the meeting was in progress. I kept wondering why I was the one person she was drawn to. Maybe because I was young like her? Maybe I knew her from somewhere and just couldn’t recall? She eventually mouthed to me “Lisa” in a questionable tone. I was confused…thinking how does she know my name? Then she explained that she was at the support group that day because she read my blog post. She recognized me from pictures posted on my blog. That was it from the moment on we had this connection, one that will never die.

We exchanged information and soon after spoke on the phone, sharing our personal battles with cancer. Beth, who looked like she was in her early thirties, was a forty something mother to three beautiful children. I remember being shocked. She looked amazing despite her battle with inflammatory breast cancer. I learned that Beth loved to dance and had a successful dance studio and hot Pilates studio. She became an inspiration from that day on. She invited me to her studio for a class and I regret so much for not taking that opportunity.

The cancer world becomes this interwoven web where us patients all begin knowing the same people and treatment providers. Beth and I were going to many of the same doctors and healers and had the pleasure of crossing each other’s paths often. Its not easy to explain but these appointments are draining and emotionally painful, however when you have the pleasure of seeing that beautiful smile of Beth’s and her husband, Keith’s incredible dedication to his wife and children, even if it was a quick “hello, goodbye, stay strong” moment it made everything better. We would chit chat during our vitamin c drips and share treatment options with each other. The Paracelsus klinik is a place I find very comforting and feel very much connected to. So when Beth returned from Switzerland and we shared all our stories about Dr Rau and the rest of the staff and our mutual connections overseas, it was comforting. She looked so much better. Her coloring was more vibrant, her extremely inflamed arm went down considerably, and that smile was still shining on. That was even more comforting.

Last week, when I did my every now and then “thinking of you, just checking in” text to Beth, Keith responded that I need to gather up the troops to pray as Beth had fluid in her heart and was fighting for her life. I prayed and prayed but I honestly thought that she would be fine and that she was not going anywhere. Several hours later, I received a text from Beth’s phone written by Keith saying “ She passed away today Lisa. She loved u kid!” I felt so angry and distraught that this amazing woman who fought so damn hard to be here for her husband and children was now an angel looking over us. I truly knew in my heart that she was going to make it, I never thought differently. I guess I was in some serious denial. I cant really pinpoint how I feel but part of me feels like I let her down. Like I didn’t steer her in the right direction. I know I shouldn’t think like that but I do. For those battling similar battles, like myself, it is so very emotional when those who were fighting beside us pass. It’s just a vivid a real reminder of just how unpredictable this journey is.

Why is it that the really good people who have so much love radiating off of them and so much to offer to the world, have to be taking at such a young age?

Earlier this week I had my first vitamin infusion since Beth passed. I dreaded the moment of walking in to that place all week, knowing that it was going to be terribly painful and heart wrenching. I even contemplated going elsewhere to get a vitamin drip. And just as expected, it was so hard to be there without that beautiful smiling face. I cried and cried and just recollected all the moments, both fun and serious, that I had with Beth. The other patients asked where “my friend” was since they haven’t seen her for a couple of weeks. I had to share the heart breaking news with the other cancer fighters in the room. They too were so distraught. We all cried together. So here we are, in a little part of Beth’s world, her weekly infusion place, and that feeling of loss was soooo prevalent. So just imagine in here bigger world…… her family, friends, her studio, her everyday life…..just how much she made an impact and will be missed.

I didn’t know her extended family or her children well, however I did have the pleasure of experiencing the loving and glowing energy when I visited her home and attended her fundraising event. You could just feel the warmth and love that Beth had for her family and vice versa. Sometimes I just don’t get why things happen in life but I do know that Beth will forever be an angel watching over her amazing and dedicated husband and she will always be there to comfort and shine her love on her three children and steer them in the right direction.

Tomorrow is her memorial service and celebration. Everyone was asked to wear white. Something about that is so comforting. Perfect color for celebrating a beautiful soul that will forever touch my life.

http://www.loveforbeth.org/LfB/home.html


miss and love you Beth....



 

Raw Thoughts

" There is life before a cancer diagnosis and life after the diagnosis....life will never be the same as before." Somebody at the klinik this week said this to me and it really had me thinking. Prior to my devastating news years ago, life was good....Mike and I were living it up and enjoying all the stuff that most young couples enjoy. We were both happy, our love for one another was radiating and we were settling into our careers.

Then BAM, Lisa has stage III melanoma....and has to undergo surgery, chemo, and radiation. And if thats not enough a year later Lisa has stage IV cancer....the cancer metastasized to her spleen, hip bone, lungs, and liver. Clinical trial? Conventional? Holistic? Decisions decisions... On top of it all a month or so after initially diagnosed Mike proposed.... a day I will never forget that will forever make me smile ear to ear and elicit goosebumps instantly on my skin. The whats-suppose-to-be-joyous wedding planning, was tainted with my, with our, fight against cancer. When I was in it I was happy to have a distraction and truckin along with treatment, decorating our new beautiful home, and for the meticulous Virgo in me, hastily, rather than anally, planning our wedding. I was happy as ever on our wedding day but I was sick, and not myself. I used every little ounce of energy in me to enjoy and dance the night away. The Italy wedding and honeymoon was also tainted by the cancer. I lost energy to go gallivanting toward the end of the honeymoon and became really sick from indulging in all the delicious Mediterranean cheeses and bread.  Our Italy wedding was amazing as anything but I was so weak ...so sick...so emotional.

Looking back, our young lives were so impacted, and we both began to feel the normal stressors that come along with cancer. We were so strong, together, but there comes a point where it builds and builds and you begin to break. Truthfully, no one really knows the impact unless your living it first hand. Will Lisa live? Will this be a life long battle? These thoughts are tough and take there toll. Do I work and take a paycut? No, I cant... I would feel horrible not contributing to our household. Im not a homebody....my mind needs to be preoccupied. But should I dedicate my time to healing and curing myself? The dietary tweaking was constant. Should I eat this? Am I allowed this? I will just stick to vegetables because I know thats safe. But NO.....what about protein, fruits, and grains? There were many losses to get used to. Do I continue to go to Switzerland? Its disgustingly costly....I feel terrible the astronomical amount this is costing my parents. My dad worked so hard....for what....sending his daughter for this ridiculously costing holistic care? Why do I have this privilege to undergo this biological treatment? What about other people who are suffering that would never be able to afford this? There was always important decisions to be pondered about. Socially things became difficult....I couldnt drink alcohol, I could no longer indulge in the fun Italian dinners at my in-laws, I had to eat very specifically and Mike was supportive and followed my strict diet.  Mike's diet changes brought me guilt. Its unfair... I wanted him to enjoy his lifelong comfort and "manly" foods. Despite knowing it was healthier for him you still get comfort out of seeing those people you love enjoy their food, especially their traditional foods. I was so focused on curing myself. I had tunnel vision....cancer....I need to cure this cancer....what could I research next....what could I blog about.....what else should I do to help myself...infusion? acupuncture? work? preparing healthy food? morning regimen of ....enema, drinking supplement drinks, taking drops and downing pills? physical therapy? lymphatic massage? exercise? Hmmm....how much can I fit in a day? What about whats most important? My relationships, my amazing husband and making time for those people in my life that keep me going. That naturally gets lost in this I -got-to-fight-this-god-damn-cancer journey.  

So, yes, its very true that life prior to being diagnosed will never be the same but whos to say which is better? Im thankful from all that I learned since being diagnosed. I feel a hell of a lot healthier now then I did in the past and I learned how to treat our bodies. Mike as well....he is super fit and health conscious. Everything happens in stages....baby steps...and eventually the balance between extreme diet and a healthy diet routine comes into play. You learn that your allowed to indulge every once in awhile and have to live a little. You find peace in talking to fellow cancer/life threatening disease warriors. The importance of "giving back" becomes that more heightened. Who is truly there for you is revealed. You learn to appreciate life for what it is and focus on whats really important rather than the gluttony and the need to want want want. You lose patience for people's bullshit. You distance yourself from those who lead stressful days and unnecessary dramatic antics. After going through a very tough situation first hand, its difficult to wrap your head around the nonsense and the unnecessary drama that people create in their own lives. You learn to let go and realize that its not worth it to stress about. These are only things that could harm our morale and central nervous system. You appreciate everyday for what it is and enjoy it. You feel a real sense of gratitude that you are fortunate to have the opportunity to be able to undergo such life changing yet costly treatment. You learn that anything is possible with the support from one another. You value relationships that much more. You learn the beauty ad intensity of a parents love for their daughter.  You learn to balance and prioritize whats most important for the mind and body and spend time with those people you love in your life. You learn to be conscious of breath and value your body on a totally new level. You learn that positive attitude and energy is critical. You learn that cancer is NOT an outside invader and that the internal milieu must be completely revamped. The dietary changes and new lifestyle becomes routine and not so alien-like.  You learn the power of love and that its the number one and best treatment that one will ever have. You learn that life post cancer diagnosis is better in many ways then pre cancer diagnosis....

Much Love and Appreciation,

LiSa

Round Four in Switzerland

Well here I am in Switzerland once again, on day 6 of treatment. I dont even know where the days went. I had well intentions of blogging often but something about these intensive trips to the Paracelsus Klinik makes you just want to hang low and do nothing on your free time (which is not very often). This time around my energy is the best its ever been which can be contributed to my toxic spleen and lymph nodes now being freed from my body. Or should I say my body is freed from those nasty little bastards? My mom and I were actually able to get up enough steam to make a trip to lake Constance in Germany. Which was gorgeous and a beautiful day of sitting by the lake and watching the cute European kids carefreely jumping in the ice cold lake in their under garments. A trip to Germany always is nice with a nice beer (eventhough I hate beer) and a pretzel but I started the liver cleanse on Saturday, so..... so much for that! Ill tell you more about the joyous liver cleanse in a bit.

Its been the same type of treatments for the most part as well as the same comprehensive, and I mean VERY comprehensive testing. Treatments consists of hyperthermia (aka heat box), infusions of a medley of homeopathic goodness, oxygen, ozone therapy, local hyperthermia to needed areas, magnetic therapy, other electric magnetic therapies, a neuromuscular massage, cupping, colon hydrotherapy, and of course injections injections injections.

I could honestly and proudly admit to all of you that Im now a homeopathic injection junkie. Im a human pin cushion when Im here. With two Dr appointments a day, one with dr Rau and one with his sidekick, Dr. Felix, I have been getting many injections a day. Its considered neurotherapy where different homeopathic remedies are injected into a specific spot, or trigger point, on the body to help the problem areas. So for me this includes fresh cells (like stem cells but biological/natural...one goes in each butt cheek), injections into my new incision area, neurotherapy for my colon and digestive system, stimulation of the liver (for liver cleanse), and injections into my "spleen scar." Apparently these injections into the scars are extremely important because scars tend to block meridians with all the scar tissue causing loss of energy flow in the body. Also it helps with cosmetics...never hurts to be a little vain. It dawned on me to ask Dr. Rau if he could inject my shoulder (aftermath of frozen shoulder and just pure stiffness and chronic pain) and he laughed and said he never had a patient who begged for more and more injections like I  do. We all laughed. Hey, Im here to get better so if that means getting poked and prodded at...bring it on!

The treatments in general have been going well. The hyperthermia went quite fine...I reached 102 degrees which is good. Only issue was my left arm swelled up due to the recent surgery so I opted to not have a second hyperthermia treatment this stay around. I read the last book of the trilogy of Fifty Shades of Grey. Nothing like a racy novel to keep you distracted in a freaken heat box. I absolutely LOVE my manual massage everyday. My shoulder freed up alot since it has been being digged at the past 6 days. Once again its painful but one of those pleasure pains because you know its helping and releasing. The fact that we are able to focus on my shoulder, which is not life threatening, this time around says a lot in itself.  Im determined to be able to have my almost full mobility back and I will succeed!! It will just be a matter of finding a good neuromuscular massagist back at home and being diligent with my stretching...for both arms.

As I mentioned earlier, the comforting part about schlepping to Switzerland for treatment is the comprehensive tests. Its comforting to know whats going on inside our bodies and whats causing what. So the test include a variety of things....very thorough blood test, thermography, heart variability which measure the unconscious central nervous system, heavy metals test, ultrasound,  stool test, food allergies, tumor marker level, fatty acid test, and dark field microscopy. So despite waiting for most test results the following is what has already been discovered....

1. My blood is looking great, Im in normal ranges for everything :)
2. My thermography was "better than ever" (said Rau). It did show the wrong bacteria in my colon and lots of air being trapped inside digestive track.
3. My unconscious nervous system is working good.
4. AND the ultrasound showed my liver is CLEAR of any lesions, tumors or the alike!!! Despite being somewhat apprehensive about this since my latest scans in the states showed activity on the liver, Im pretty stoked. I explained this to the Dr and asked him probably about 15 times if he was sure and he said there is CLEARLY nothing on my liver. Ok, thanks Doc, Im taking this news and running with it!!!

All in all this is really good and an improvement. The next three big results are the tumor marker, the stool test and the heavy metals test. Based on my last heavy metals test Im high in arsenic and copper, however both of these went down from the previous test. So in my infusions a chelation agent has been added to help lower the levels of heavy metals in my system.

So where is this body of mine at during this point of time, you ask?

1. My energy is improving ( i think the removal of toxic lymph nodes and the ending of the black salve fiasco helped ) :)
2. Im having pretty severe digestional issues such as an always full feeling and inflammation of my colon. 80% of our immune system is in our gut so given all the stress my immune system has been under I need to rebuild the flora and good bacteria in my gut to relieve these very depressing and quite uncomfortable symptoms.
3.My new incision from the removal of the black salve tumor is looking okay. As dreadfully expected I do have swelling in the arm :( Pathology reports from removal of lymph nodes did not note if the cancer in the lymph was dead or alive. Dr. Rau explained that after using black slave pathology reports cant determine this.
4. My right arm, from the original lymph node dissection, is still stuck in many areas but has improved 80% from the beginning.
5. My hair is growing like wild fire and my nails are as strong as anything...which both speak volumes to health.
6. And the biggest question I get.....How many more tumors do you have? This is a tough one. Based on tests here all my organs are functioning great and nothing else can be detected. My liver and black slave lymph node were my last two that I was working on. However based on my last pet scan there were "light ups" in several areas. Quite honestly, I dont buy into it and am 99% sure I will never under go a pet scan again. They are false positive and depressing. I feel good and my blood tests speak for it and there are no lumps or bumps to be found so thats what I focus on.  
7. Emotionally....Definitely on an upswing but  of course I have some more healing to do and dealing with all that I, and those closest to me, have dealt with along the way will be a life long struggle. The fear will always be there but like anything else we must let a positive attitude persevere and keep on truckin!!


Thanks for following my journey! And guess what? I just adore comments :)

Peace and Strength,

LiSa

**DON'T LOOK ** if you have a weak stomach. Determination to get this tumor out once and for all!!!

As promised, here are the pictures from my journey with black salve.  Black salve is a herbal based treatment that has been around for thousands of years by use with Native American Indians. Black Salve is said to have anti-cancer properties. It has been known as an  “escharotic”, which literally means, it creates an “eschar” (a piece of dead tissue). In cases of skin cancer treatment using the Black Salve, the belief is that the eschar is the dead tumor. After treatment, the eschar will be expelled by natural body processes over a short time (usually within 5 – 14 days even if the tumor is quite deep). So those who have been following me know that something like this is right up my alley. I didn't dive into this blind, I had some guidance from Dr Rau in Switzerland but since it was new to him I contacted Dr. Adrian Jones in Australia, who has a great amount of experience with black salve.

I captured as much as the journey as I could but i didn't get a picture every step of the way so I will do my best to explain whats going on. I started on December 10th and continued until about the end of January. The pics are all of my armpit.....according to my brother, the professional photographer, I took the pics too close up and it is not always clear what body part you are looking at. So if your confused...my armpit it is!!! Here goes......

Here is the original tumor/swollen lymph node...about the size of a golf ball.

another shot of the original tumor

Let the journey begin...... applying the black salve. Tingly feeling but not pain per say

Holy Sh*t!!! Its working!! An eschar (scab) is forming!! Note :this is like a day after first application



The first "birth" of dead cancer...very exciting moment.
(about a 2 days after application)

Same as above, just flipped on "dry" side

Yup thats the tumor exposed...I just wanted to rip it out!!

Chunk of dead cancer that came out

Bits of cancer debris that literally just spewed out after I put some pressure on the site

Lots of blood and draining

After another application, things are a bit stuck

Just three days after the above picture, amazing how fast it heals

This is when the pain begins.......I was advised to put the salve on continuously to get the deep rooted tumor. As you can see from the picture it became very swollen and was trying to surface

Pieces of dead cancer that came off the bandage



Amazing how beautifully it heals after it is so raw and open



I know!!! Nasty as all hell!! I dont have to explain how painful this was...the picture says it all. This is when the cancer was really surfacing and trying to break off

And breaking off it is......

side profile.....the cancer separating from my skin

Big chunk expelled. Mike put his hand to show size

Other side of tumor, we call it the "oyster." LOL sorry if you like oysters and it ruins your appetite for them

Healing pretty well, no more black on right side of picture......one down, one more to go

The skin grows back within days...incredible. tumor still exposed. at this point i have dreams of myself cutting it out with a kitchen knife....luckily I didn't go insane enough to actually carry through.

After another application, another bis piece fell off (didn't get a pic). Tumor is considerably smaller at this point.

Healing, skin is pretty raw and inflamed. The thought of reapplying make me weak and nauseous. The tumor is stuck and tugging on lymph nodes underneath. According to Dr. Adrian Jones i would have to reapply everyday to get the root of this thing out. I'm very anti pain medication and the thought of having to take around the clock percocets doesn't sit right with me. Without pain medication there is no way i could survive despite my VERY high tolerance for pain.
The above picture is not the latest. The site looks very good with a very small black looking scab.

I'm very happy I used black salve and have no regrets. However due to the size and how deep rooted the tumor was it was pretty grueling. I would for sure use salve for a small lesion or tumor. I have my little container waiting just in case.

With much thought, research, consulting, and contemplation, I decided to go for surgery. The lymph node swollen underneath (that was new with the use of salve) freaked me out. However, the way it was explained to me by holistic docs and Fred was that the lymph system was backed up due to trying to get rid of this cancerous tissue. Due to the lymph being blocked the fluid was building up in my lymph system causing the lymph nodes to becomes inflamed (not necessarily cancerous). That definatly put my mind at ease. So anyways, yesterday I had whatever was effected taken out. Dr Beg agreed to just take out what was wreaking havoc and maintain as much tissue and mobility that he can. The surgery was in and out...took about three hours. I have a small drain to get rid of any excess blood. Tomorrow I will go to Dr. Beg and get the drain removed and a bandage change. Pathology reports in about a week to see what exactly were in those bastards.

Not that I want to jinx myself but I feel absolutely fine and like I didn't even have surgery. Yesterday was a fine day but I figured the anesthesia didn't wear off yet and the pain would come. However I'm still in no pain or discomfort, despite not taking a lick of medication. We had a nice day of watching movies and playing my favorite.....scrabble. Mike and I set up the bed with all the pillows to ensure I was upright and comfy but I wound up just sleeping normal all curled up. I had a great night sleep and woke up because I was feeling energetic. So I write some emails and texts and hit the sack again.  Could it be that I feel more enegetic now that that dead tumor is no longer blocking my lymph system? If so that would be incredible! I woke up this morning and went to the gym because I had great energy. I figured it would be good to work out and get the lymph moving.  I know I know.....dont worry ...I just did the bike and some leg presses. I am absolutely fine to even go back to work today but you could just imagine the whispers I get from my darling husband, parents, etc......"just rest, take it easy".... So I guess one day of that wont drive me too crazy. So tomorrow, or maybe even later, back to work I go.

Hopefully the salve pics didn't make you too weak and horrified.

Strength and peace,

xoxo

Lisa

I wish people knew what I knew...

Okay, so I went to Philadelphia to the cancer treatment center of america and as much as I wasn’t impressed I don’t want to say the place was horrible. After two solid years of doing hardcore holistic and integrative approach, an offering of being blasted with chemo with a side of a little acupuncture and reiki is not my idea of holistic or integrative treatment. These cancer hospitals are funny…they know how to work it and market themselves. We had up to a 6 night stay in a Radisson for a one time fee of 75 bucks and all three meals were included for myself and my caregiver. A plus is that they offered good quality food, such as green juices made to order, healthy grains, and coconut water. But they also had there share of crappy foods such as chips, bacon, cookies, pizza, etc. If you require a flight for transportation that is paid as well for both you and your caretaker and you are picked up from the airport in a limo with the CTCA logo on the side door (of course). Which is a little strange but I guess for people who are scared out of their wits this could be an added bonus and mask the stress for a quick minute. So all in all it was a traditional cancer hospital with a whole bunch of fluff.

 

As for my personal experience, every doctor that came across me didn’t know who the patient was…me or my mom. They were all shocked in how good I looked and said that they were expecting a different “look” based on all the reports they received and the fact that I had my

spleen removed 6 months ago. I was encouraged to get a pet scan to get an idea of where my body is at. I reluctantly agreed, was injected with the radioactive glucose, and underwent a stupid pet scan. The results were completely energy sucking and frightening. Every other sentence in the report had “likely metastasis, suspected metastasis, etc.” It took me a couple of minutes to realize I was falling under their ‘lets scare these people into chemo tactics’ and came to my

senses and remembered all that I learned about how false these pet scans are. Basically the SUV (sugar uptake value) is what needs to be looked at and if it is above 12 there is something going on that needs attention, however even in this case it could be inflammation or infection rather than cancer. If the SUV is a number as low as 2 it is nothing to even being concerned about. The average Joe could have a pet scan and have several ‘light ups’ with a low SUV. This is what I

learned from being in Switzerland and from Fred (Cellect) but of course the cancer hospitals say an SUV above 2 is worrisome, which is plain old bullshit. But the kicker about my pet scan was they actually noted that I had my ovaries, my uterus, and my gallbladder taken out. Hello???? I have all three of these and if they don’t know what is even inside my body how the hell would I trust their reports of what is going on inside my body?? Anyway the areas that lit up were by my

abdominal area (pancreas, liver) and when I spoke to Fred he explained that this was because I just had my spleen removed and inflammation is to be expected and will probably take up to 6 years to fully heal. It also noted that the area under my arm (the black slave area) is necrotic (aka dead.) However they still said it is dangerous and it could spread and yada yada. Hello once again???? It’s dead!!!!! Do they ever focus on the positive and let people know the good things without turning it into a gut wrenching scary moment? So once I got the pet scan results I was a little frazzled but then I centered myself and recalled all I learned and focused on how Im feeling, my energy, how I look, and that I know for damn sure that this cancer in my body is dead. Once I reviewed my scans with Fred I felt much better because he pointed out all the bogus crap they write in these scan reports and gave me a different twist on what’s really going on inside my body that made much more sense to what the cancer center was telling me.

So as I mentioned last post, my main reason for the visit was to inquire about getting surgery. When I met with the surgeon he initially said since the cancer is systemic it is not suggested to get surgery. However, he then examined the area, took one look at it and said he thinks this would be an exception and should come out. Hmmm….interesting, maybe because he knows its dead??!! He even said when showing me the images of my scan on the computer, that the one under my arm is necrotic (dead) but stated that this is not necessarily a good thing as it could get ugly and spread. He did not agree to go easy and only take out the nodes that were affected and

said he has to take out lymph node strands 1 and 2. He said this is for my own good. Oh okay Mr. Surgeon, removing most of my lymph nodes under my arm and a bunch of tissue and leaving me with lymphedema and frozen shoulder is for my own good? Thanks for looking out Mr.Surgeon…or not!!!!

It dawned on me that I should give Dr. Beg, my original surgeon, who I trust and feel comfortable with, a ring to see if I could get an appointment. Sure enough I got an appointment that same day, left Philly, and met with him. Within seconds, he took a look of the area and agreed to take the tumor and only what was affected out. We made an agreement that if he sees anything else that look suspicious and has to come out once he is in there that I would allow for him to take it out. I said by all means and that I just want whatever is black out. So no regrets to going to Philly as whatever takes place along the way is what makes this journey the educational journey this is. However, I could have went right back to my original source, Dr Beg, and got what I wanted without a trip to PA. So my surgery is scheduled for May 22nd at Northshore Manhasset. It will be an in and out surgery and according to Dr. Beg nothing compared to a lymph node dissection.

I’m super happy to get it removed because my lymph system is being blocked right now because of all the deadness and we need to have that lymph pumping and working to its best ability. However, going under the knife always has the chance of new complications and I’m not looking forward to another beautiful scar but it is what it is. This whole journey, I followed my heart and my gut and I know its leading me in the right direction. And as far as this surgery, I just know that it’s the right thing to do to get me that much closer to remission.

Also, I spoke to Dr Rau in Switzerland and he is on board that I get the surgery, however feels I should come there for intense treatment for immune system up building and to help the healing process soon after the surgery. So not only will I be getting the surgery I will also be going back to Switzerland in June sometime.

We had the Long Island run this weekend. Mike, my parents, and my amazing friends and family were there to support!! It was invigorating and inspiring as usual. May 20th we have the 5k melanoma walk/run in Eisenhower Park. You can choose to run the 3 miles or walk it. For more information go to www.ccmac.org . The more people there the more support I have….. so come join us if you can!!!!!

Other than that things are going well and I’m just looking forward to all that the remainder of the spring and summer have to offer.

Oh, and black slave pics to come soon.

Peace and strength,

LiSa

Project remission!

It's amazing how time flies.... May is already here. I don't even know where I left off in my last post. Oh wait, yes I do....those were the days of black salve. I was applying it pretty often and sure enough chunks of the tumor were being discarded. I know.... gross but truly fascinating!!! It was getting smaller and smaller but the pain was getting worse and worse. I had no choice but to take the pain meds to dull the pain but with pharma drugs comes other problems. After all I've been through, pain is something I could handle and the same goes with taking pain meds. However, since lymph nodes are like a string of pearls, the vacuuming out of the enlarged lymph node caused the attached lymph node to become inflamed. I cant explain the emotional turmoil of when you feel an enlarged lymph node/tumor, especially a new one. You dont know whats going on....if we just had a camera to see whats going on in our systems...but no such luck with that. So of course you freak out and think the worse but luckily the positive person I am, realized that it's most definitely inflammation from the black salve literally sucking out the cancer. Needless to say it freaked me out and  between the immense pain associated with using the salve (because the tumor is larger than a quarter) and the new "pop up", I decided to look into possible surgery of getting the tumor removed. It is a purplish black color that I truly believe it is dead. Back from my visit to Switzerland, I know that my lymph system is clogged and I have to get things moving in there. A clogged lymph system not only makes it much more difficult for the immune system to fight but it also bogs down the system and wipes me out. Plus we cant forget that Im spleenless which makes the other filtering systems work that much harder.  Having this area, that my body is very ferociously trying to fight, removed will give my body the opportunity to put its fighting skills on other areas of my body that needs attention.


 Due to all the stress from being weak and not knowing what the future entails, I just been in a rut. Not eating and exercising the way I should. Don't get me wrong my diet is very restricted compared to how it use to be prior to cancer but not as strict as I should be. I mean to get to remission I have to stay focused and take the diet very serious. I have a very strong sensitivity to wheat, yeast, sugar, and cow milk products yet I've been consuming them here and there. My body then becomes that more stressed and fatigued and the vicious cycle continues. I felt my best when I avoided all these foods. My body had the opportunity to fight the cancer rather than food sensitivities. It's amazing how quick the body gets addicted to these crappy foods despite our body practically begging us to eat more clean and more active. So back on track I will be. Exercise as well....it is SOOOOO critical for our body to function correctly. I know I feel better when I exercise its just the time trying to squeeze it in. Ive been getting creative... walking with the boys at work (they could use it too :) .


Other than getting back on track with my diet, I continue being diligent about my weekly medical treatments. Its a lot and also very time consuming. I have a weekly vitamin drip that takes anywhere from 2 to 4 hours, acupuncture, lymphatic massage, and its really important that I make time for epson salt baths, my rebounder, and my hwave machine for my bached up shoulder). Tomorrow until Wednesday my mama and I will be going to the Cancer Treatment Center of America in Philadelphia (Yup the one always advertised on tv) for a consultation on whether or not I should opt for surgery on this tumor. I want the surgery but I want to dictate how I want things done. In the world of surgeons and egos this is not an easy task. But hey its my body and I worked to damn hard to get where Im at and I dont want anyone messing with what they dont have to mess with. Apparently they are a conventional hospital with a more holistic and individualistic approach. I'm going there with a realistic mindset and am aware that it could be one big marketing ploy. I'm looking to get the least invasive surgery possible. I fear surgery considering my last lymph node surgery left me with 20+ less lymph node, horrid frozen shoulder and lymphedema. Luckily my healing toolbox is bigger and better and I now have the knowledge and resources to combat any side effects that might occur.


Life can be so frustrated because each and every one of us has our struggles and our "when the hell is this going to get better" moments but the bottom line is ... It's all in our attitude. Positive things happen to positive people. Sometimes we just have to step outside of our comfort zones and think the impossible and just make it happen!!! So, my friends, here I am in project remission at FULL FORCE. My attitude has always been positive but like any human being I have my moments of vulnerability and weakness. But here I am, in the rink with my quite tough looking pink boxing gloves, ready to take this cancer down once and for all.


I have dreams about the huge celebration we will have when the day finally arrives. Literally......the last dream was at a celebration carnival with all fun games and circus animals and all good wholesome foods substituting the normal sugary high fructose corn syrup crap at fun places. Fresh popcorn with olive oil and sea salt, cacao covered fruit, roasted chestnuts,  homemade organic fruit sorbets,  okay and gelato (Im sorry just a little)!!!  As for cotton candy.....I cant...its just plain old evil.


Mike and I were able to escape to Florida for a little while, it was nice to get away and enjoy eachothers company. We experienced the new rides such as Harry Potter and The Simpsons At Universal!!! We love our roller coasters !! I could have used a couple of more days of R & R, hopefully my mom and I will have the opportunity for this in Philly. Our annual long island run is on May 6th and the CCMAC melanoma walk is on May 20th. Both are at Eisenhower Park. It would mean so much if you joined us in our efforts to support my natural fight against melanoma. Let me know if you want to join!!!! To donate go to www.ncrf.org and hit the donate button. In the next post, I will include the images (as promised) of my black salve experience. As you will see a lot of the tumor came out. Do not look if you have a weak stomach!!!


Much thanks for your continued support,


Peace and Optimism,


LiSa

Dear February....you are a pain in my ass.....Love Lisa

Three years ago this time a year my world turned upside down. Early February 2009 was when I found out I had stage II melanoma, almost exact to the date in February 2010 is when the cancer came back to play and went to stage IV and February 2011 was hell emotionally. So here I am in 2012, with the month of February still being torturous. However its different this year, bittersweet torture....if that makes sense. I have been using "black" since December 22nd and little by little pieces of tumor have been expelled from my body. In the beginning the pain was tolerable as the "black" was dealing with the surface cancer. I didnt even require any pain medication, not even over the counter. Then about a month ago I applied "black" as I normally do and holy sh*t!!!!! My poor mother...I was literally jumping on the couch, pulling my hair out and screaming like a psychiatric patient. Thats when I knew I, or I guess I should say "black" was at a whole new level. Literally, the black was way beyond the first couple of layers of my skin and burning into tissue that was much deeper. The tumor was fairly large, and part of it was surface and parts of it were under healthy skin closer to my lymph nodes. So the burning through healthy skin was what brought on the INTENSE pain. I have a high tolerance for pain but this was unbearable and with several pep talks from my parents and mike I decided not to throw in the towel and keep up my crazy ass decision to stick with "black." However if I was going to continue I had to deal with all my negative beliefs about pain killers and how they ruin your body and suck it up and take them. So I changed my mindset and embraced the mood-swing, messes with your digestion, high as a kite feeling, and horrible nausea pharmaceutical drug percocet. My priority right now is getting this god damn dead tumor out of my body and if thats what Im going to do I have to take something to ease the pain.

Not like the pain was bad enough, I decided, with the advice from my doc from Australia (specializes in "Black"), due to the tumor being "stuck" to place more black on the open and raw skin that black was just put on the previous day. Aahhhh!! That was no joke....there was a point that two percocets did not ease the pain. Lots of self talk and visualization of this bastard coming out once and for all got me through it. So at this point, there is a lot going on under my arm. The perimeter of the tumor has severed from the healthy skin and seems as though it is ready to be expelled from by body. Which is awesome however scary at the same time. Like I said earlier, it is very large so the wound is going to be large...basically a gaping hole in my armpit. Pretty dangerous and I guess painful so I will require wound care that I dont have set up yet. I have a dr appointment soon to hopefully set that up. These dr's are funny though, they dont want to offer you care if you are doing insane crazy things such as putting black salve on very large tumors.

I think black is an incredible way to go, however I think it is more appropriate for people that have much smaller and manageable skin cancers or tumors. Because as I said earlier, the beginning was fine when the black was targeting the cancer that was close to the skins surface. I have no regrets as I believe everything happens for a reason but on the same hand I would not feel comfortable encouraging another person to use black on such a large tumor. As far as a small skin cancer, such as a mole or something, I would in a heartbeat.

Im still curious as to whats going to happen. Will it require more black? Will it ALL come out? How is the open wound going to heal? How bad will the scar be? How is this tumor actually going to fall out? Will it be a clean cut or something I will have to manipulate? I have been documenting the black experience but considering how gruesome it is, I am not posting them on my blog as of yet. I think it is worthwhile posting eventually as its fascinating, however I will do this all at once in one blog and will warn people in the title..."Warning .....gruesome photos"

Other than black, I have a lot going on....as usual. I continue to work full time, go for my weekly vitamin drips, living a healthy life,  doing my daily health regimen, and Im going to school to be a certified health coach. I LOVE it!!! Not only will I get to help others reach optimum health but I learn others way I could help myself. I have been practicing health histories, so if anyone is interested in being one of my guinea pigs let me know!!! I would love any help I could get.


Oh my god!!!! Mid editing my post I took a dinner break and ran out with mike and I come home to find one of the large three tumor eschars hanging off!! It came right off!!!! A HUGE chunk of my cancer is gone!!! I can't even f*ck'n believe it... Black actually worked! Im on Cloud nine right now :) going to call my Australian doc now and talk it through!!!


thanks for all those positive vibes and prayers!!


xoxo


Lisa

The Black in my days continues...

My first application of Black Salve aka "Black" was on December 10, 2011. So here we are a little over a month and we still have more work to do. Lots of fluid and parts of the tumor have came out resulting in the tumor being much smaller than what it started out to be. Around the end of December when I applied more, there was stinging and a reaction but it seemed to be that the tumor was stuck and was having trouble having its roots severed. I know I try and be like a Doctor and all but lets face it I have no experience with this stuff and am winging all of it. Who would have ever thought I would put some black stuff on myself to break my skin open to release a dead tumor from my body.....absolute craziness. As I said many of times, I will do anything in my power to get to the beautiful word REMISSION. Actually its not that beautiful it still has an associated -with- cancer feel but you know what I mean.....So feeling kind of stuck because the tumor was stuck I decided to reach out to a Dr. in Australia who has much experience with Black. I scheduled a phone conversation with him this past Saturday. In preparation I sent him a detailed health history as well as explicit and gruesome pictures of what the salve has already accomplished. In the cutest Aussie accent he explained to me that the tumor is dead and since it is a lymph node it is deep rooted. He said he was confidant that the remainder of the tumor would come out if I was to be diligent and put the salve on everyday. He said I could leave it on for 48 hours rather than the normal 24 hours, take it off and leave it off for a couple of hours and than put it back on again for 48 hours and basically repeat until this son of a b*tch is out. So come Monday I reapplied and left it on for 48 hours and I know I'm tough and could handle a lot....but Jeesh....that was some painful 48 hours. I required pain medicine....I started with my all natural pain drops that I got from Switzerland and then required the harder stuff. I felt like saying screw it and rubbing the black off but with lots of self talk and encouragement from the family I decided to grin and bear it. My dad reminded me to say "Nam-myoho-renge-kyo" , a Japanese chant of some sort to make your thoughts come true, as I pictured the pain as the cancer being ripped away from my body. I know I know....the things we do. But these days I believe in it all and why not give it a whirl? The Black created a very strong reaction, my skin blistered and became raw like you wouldn't believe. For this week I have to go against the Aussie Dr's directions of putting it on daily due to my cousin getting married tomorrow and me not wanting to be in excruciating pain somewhere in the corner of the catering hall.

The plan = come Sunday I will reapply and have Black Salve on everyday until it come out. I will continue this for several weeks and have much pain relief on hand. Why not be a "normal" person and get surgery? First off being normal is over rated and second off it will be hard for me to find a surgeon who will agree to JUST take out the dead tumor rather than extra tissue which will make recovery more difficult. Furthermore, having surgery will not guarantee that they will get all the cancer whereas Black's job is to detect that crap and spit it out of the body. What if for some reason Black doesn't get it all out? Despite being very confidant that this will work I'm also a realist and know it may not. If that's the case I will look high and low until I find a reputable surgeon to remove my dead tumor and nothing more.

There is something comforting when everyone you are working with is on the same page. Its something that rarely happens in the world of cancer, especially when on the holistic route. However, my mother went to cellect support group and mentioned to Fred that I was using Black. He said that he has not heard much about it but the bottom line is that the dead tumor needs to come out. See cellects job is too kill everything and make the body in better balance. However, when there is so much to kill it remains contained in the body. This effects the body in other ways because it still notices something bad that needs to be worked on which as a result causes the body to continue working overtime and become fatigued or run down. So for me the deadness pooled in my spleen, thus the reason it hemorrhaged and needed to be removed. Then the lymph node died off and became a hard scar like tissue which the body cant just break down and remove. Unfortunately this needs either surgery or some random and quite secretive salves in this world we lived in such as Black. So anyways, Fred agreed that I should give Black a try and see if it works, if not opt to have the surgery. He even offered his connections and said he will find someone who will just be willing to remove the tumor. So my friends, time will tell. I really hope and believe that the Black will work. I know its going to be a hell of a couple of weeks....painful as anything but nothing I cant get through.

If this tumor comes out I and Mike and my immediate family will be ecstatic!! We will be singing from the roof tops for sure. From there we will have to see if the baby spot on my liver is still present....if not.....cancers in the clear!! I will schedule an MRI or ct scan to see how my livers holding up soon. Of course a lot of good happened in 2011 as that's when my body was fighting half this shit off but I put 2011 behind me real quick. It was a tough emotional and heart wrenching year, but with all turmoil comes growth. It is that growth that 2012 will show. I never embraced a new year like I did 2012, I feel in my gut that I will finally be able to move on. I will never move on from the world of cancer as my heart is now embedded in it to help others suffering and I will always have to be on point to be sure my melanoma doesn't come creeping back. Melanoma likes to come back and visit and in order to keep it from intruding the diligency must be there. However, when it is no longer considered stage IV and a direct battle I will be able to live my life rather than spend my days fighting for my life. That is an amazing thing.

For those of you that don't know, I'm now a psychic junkie. I used to be skeptical but now I'm a believer. I totally understand those who don't believe in it and feel its some voodoo nonsense but when days get so bogged down by sadness it is nice to hear some hopeful news about your future. I went to a psychic recently and my grandmother came through....she said she sees 'remission' and that I have long longevity. She reassured me that she is hearing all my daily prayers, and even said I am overwhelming her a little. Well maybe its not only me and it is all the other people praying to here just knowing she will come through ;). She also said in my current employment role I'm a healer and I was born a natural healer. Grandma said that I have a whole lot of papers around me having to do with education and I should go for it. Wow.... even from  up there she is such a smart cookie!!

It has always been my passion to help others and now being through all I have, I'm even more passionate about helping people who are facing life threatening diseases or even every day discomforts that are preventing them from enjoying their lives. Its incredible what our bodies are capable of as long as they are provided with the right nutrients and we are balancing our stress.  So, the Virgo I am, and always wanting change and something new, I am going back to school to be a holistic health coach. I am super ecstatic as I cant wait to graduate and begin helping people reach optimum health. Its a career that I could eventually incorporate into my current career as a health coach compliments a career as a social worker very well. Best part is I get to learn how to treat my own body along the way. I will heal others as I heal myself. Whats more rewarding than that?

I hope everyone is doing well and I wish you all a happy and healthy year in 2012. This weekend should be a fun one celebrating with the family. Tomorrow my younger cousin, Kathleen, is getting married and I have the honor to be one of her matron of honors and Sunday is my sister-in-law, Jessica's birthday. And Monday relatives from Italia are visiting! Good times good times!! All good things to celebrate with our families :)

I will be sure to keep you updated on black. Feel free to say "Nam-myoho-renge-kyo" and picture what ever it is that your heart desires. Need a suggestion? For this damn cancer to go away!!!

Peace and Strength,

LiSa

Adding a Little "Black" to the Holidays

Hi loves doves!! I cant believe the holiday season is here again. Since my return from Switzerland all has been going well for the most part. Other then fatigued I feel okay. My other results such as heavy metals and digestion came back from Switzerland. My results were emailed to me and both improved from my last visit. However one test did not improve and that was the test that depicts whether your current diet is cancer friendly or not. Although I am still in a decent range my score went up 50 points which means that my diet has been slacking. My first two visits to Switzerland my diet was on point....all veggies, lots of raw, no bread, and hardly no dairy. Over the past couple of months my emotions got the best of me and i have been justifying that its okay to indulge once in while as "after all I've been through...I deserve it." BULLSHIT.....hello Lisa you have stage IV cancer there is no time for these damaging justifications. Its incredible how much better you feel and look when your are eating a whole food organic diet and how sluggish you feel when you add those yummy yet evil gluten and dairy contained foods. After all, I know now that this cancer was created from within, from a lack of nutrients, from an incredibly crappy diet lifestyle in my child/teenage years. So in order to kill it and keep it away the diet and healthy habits must be a lifestyle not a Lisa fad.

One of my pet peeves...."Melanoma is caused from the sun" UGH!! That statement drives me up a wall!! Okay, yes ozone layer depletion and repetitive sun frying of the skin is not good for the human skin and could be a factor in causing melanoma but it is not the SOLE factor. The sun is crucial for healthy living...studies show that people who are vitamin D deficient (from lack of sun) and that don't get enough time in the sun have more likelihood of developing skin cancer.

Bottom line is that the skin is the largest organ of human detoxification. Sweat glands eliminate all that nastiness and toxins in our system. That's why exercise is so good....you sweat...and all those toxins escape. If these wastes are not removed and are hanging out at the surface of the skin they damage the skin tissue....altering beauty marks and what not and ultimately developing skin cancer. Our DNA is increasingly becoming more exposed to damaging molecules from the obscene amount of chemicals in our food, household supplies, the water we drink, beauty products, the electromagnetic environment etc. Our bodies organs become extremely overwhelmed with this altered blue print and they no longer have the equipment to fight off these foreign toxins. The most annoying part is a majority of melanoma foundations promote staying out of the sun and slathering yourself with sunscreen. It is found that some of these sunscreens cause cancer!!! Many sunscreens contain a potent free radical that is activated by sunlight that is know as a cancer causing agent. Other sunscreens actually are absorbed through the skin and damage skin tissue and organs. I'm so glad that my melanoma 12 years ago was treated with a wide excision and the good old advice about staying out of the sun and slathering up on the sunscreen. Thanks Doc, I appreciate you causing me to be MORE at risk of my melanoma returning rather than preventing it. Please, don't take this info wrong....the sun is good for us but in MODERATION. No burning or peeling should occur. Sunscreen should be used but the good ones.

As I mentioned in my last post, I have had to make the tough and scary decision in whether I should give black salve a try. With much research and contemplation I decided to go for it. What do I have to lose? Nada that's for sure. If you know me you know that I'm up for everything and anything to get rid of this cancer. Even if it means I'm going to have a huge open wound for quite some time.

BLACK SALVE (aka BLACK).....What is it?

Its been around for a really long time. Actually several people have said to me, including my mother, "oh, my father (or grandmother/father) used to use that." Despite its much success it has been a controversial topic,due to politics, in the most recent decades. The use and promoting of black salve has cost many people their reputations, freedom, livelihood, and even their life. Any testing or studies that have been done on it are obsolete today. Why? because it showed extensive success and global governments made sure they got rid of this evidence so their sick civilians turned to conventional means of treatment instead. Actually, the place where Dr Rau got this, a Dr in Australia, was forced to stop selling it two days after I started using it. If he didnt he faced a fine of $2,750,000 and/or 5 years imprisonment.

Its ingredients vary by creator but the most common is blood root and a zinc base. Other natural herbal remedies are used within the salve. When using it you rub a thin layer onto the external skin of the tumor and an eschar ....aka dead tissue...will form within a couple of days. By a natural body process this piece of dead tissue will be expelled from the body and fall off. The idea is that surgery is not required and that the tumor will push out of the body on its own. Do I completely believe it? Who knows!!

Sounds some life science fiction/alien crap right? Well here is how it works....

At this point, due to lack of funding for research, its completely not certain how it works but here is the hypothetical explanations of the magic of "black".

Black is absorbed across dermal strata, which means that its gets to the deepest layer of skin. It appears to be a catalyst in mediating an immune

response ( inflammation that is rich in white blood cells, T cells, and macrophage). This helps break down and destroy the cancer cells. So basically the black triggers the immune system to focus on the area where the cancer is and do what the immune system does best....KILL the bad guys and protect the good guys.

My Experience thus far with Black.....

Dr. Rau sent me home with a small container of black salve...see pic above. Yes, I know it says "animal use only." Don't freak out...this is for legal reasons and having to be careful with choice of wording for the seller/creator to not get sued or arrested for that matter. My first application was on 12/10/11. I applied approximately at 9:30 pm...a thin layer of the black paste was applied to my very irritated and swollen enlarged lymph node under my arm pit. It immediately started tingling. That evening there was not much sleep....it was not painful just very uncomfortable. The rule of thumb is you leave the paste on for 24 hours and then remove and let the immune system take over.

On 12/11/11 I kept busy and tried to keep my mind off of it. The stinging is pretty intense but nothing that cant be handled. I had dinner at my in-laws that night and felt like crawling out of my own skin. It was getting more intense and I was having these sharp zings every so often. 9:30 pm could come soon enough. Mike rubbed off the black and it was crazy....just like in the pics I saw when researching....an eschar (scab) with all puss around it formed. It was working!!!!! The next couple of days I continued to get those zings but there was no discomfort or pain once the black was removed. Several days later the puscular (not sure if I made up that word) scab fell of which left the very ugly black tumor exposed. I just wanted to squeeze it out like a big juicy pimple but considering it is a solid mass there would be no such luck. Over the next couple of days I didn't feel or see much of a change so I decided to add more. Ugh that hurt like a bitch because the tumor was exposed and i know had an open wound. I succumbed to taking a pain killer and tried to keep my mind on getting ready for Christmas. Again after the 24 hour removal, a large puscular scab formed. There was an insane amount of swelling around the site into my shoulder and my breast. The swelling alone and all the pressure it created was more uncomfortable then anything else. But I was happy as I knew all that fluid was what carried the white blood cells and all those t cells that would destroy the cancer and expell it from my body. Bring the fluid on!!! The past couple of days there has been lots of oozing and grossness and this morning I woke up to the eschar falling off. It contained a nice chunk of my dead black tumor and left the rest of it exposed once again. So I know its working. I'm unsure if the tumor will eventually come out on its own after two applications or if it only expells when it is connected to the eschar (scab) that forms. I will wait a couple of days and if I see no activity I know that I will have to continue to reapply until we keep on chipping away at this black iceberg.

As you know my ultrasound in Switzerland showed no spot on my liver. If this is defintely the case, then the tumor exposed to black is the only one left. Which is pretty f*cking exciting!!! As hard as it is and nothing about this long exhausting fight being easy for me and those closest to me, I'm almost there. Black has always been one of my favorite colors and as gross as it is...Im a big fan of witnessing things being expelled from my body ( blackheads, pimples, ingrown toenails) so I guess this treatment method is fitting for me.

I wish everyone a happy holiday and hope people get to enjoy the real point of the holidays....spending time with the people you love in your life and appreciating life's joyous ways. Dont get bogged down with the stress of the holidays and keep in mind what really matters.

As for you Santa,

Please bring me happiness, the strength and willpower to eat a wholesome diet and remission. Despite wanting a new pair of shades, a new pocket book, and a infrared sauna, all I REALLY want is my health back and the freedom to move on and enjoy all the beauty life has to offer.

I will leave you vegan oatmeal flaxseed cookies and a glass of vanilla almond milk. Oh and some nice carrots and some alkaline water for your four legged helpers.

Love,

Lisa