A Little shrooms won't hurt....or will it?

                                                       



I know I know…..I’ve been quite the blog update slacker. I know some people have been looking for an update and curious how things are in the world of Lisa. It means a lot and I appreciate your care and concern. My trip to Switzerland was of course emotional as it’s always a reminder that I am dealing with cancer. Not to mention I was not with Mike for Valentine’s day which obviously sucked. My mother is nothing but amazing and I love spending time with her. We downloaded a scrabble app and since we are both scrabble lovers we enjoyed passing some time with mother daughter scrabble. It was a constant light flurry the entire two weeks which was beautiful but not great to venture out in. Overall, it was successful as I got some good news regarding blood levels, tumors being benign and improvements in thermography and other tests. In regard to the tumors being benign, I have several bumps that have been worrying me but an ultrasound as well as other blood levels indicated that these were fibromas and not cancerous. I have a lot of lymph congestion causing the toxins and crap to have a difficult time getting out of my body. My tumor marker for S100 melanoma went up to 2.60 which definitely is not ideal. It could be much higher but ideally it needs to be 0.00. However, tumor markers are tricky as they are affected by lots of different variables such as inflammation, injury or surgery. Between my arm and my brain I’ve recently had all three.  Being that my fourth cancerversary was this past February, I showed some frustration and “okay, what the hell is taking so long” attitude toward Dr. Rau. All this money, supplementation, and effort….cure me already!!! If it was just that easy….

He understood my frustration and comforted me reminding me how strong my attitude is and that is important to keep that up. Which I do indeed, I was born a fighter and always had strength to overcome obstacles but hello? I am human and have my “when the f**k is this going to be over” days. So given my frustration and the klinik’s recent peeked interest with a mushroom treatment, Dr. Rau thought it would be worth a shot to put me on a new treatment to just add to the cancer killing regimen.  

So, I managed to bypass taking shrooms in my younger years but here I am at 30 experimenting with the poisonous white fungi. Yup, I said poisonous!!!! .Amanita Phalloides also known as the death cap mushroom resembles your average white edible mushroom yet it is rated amongst the most dangerous poisons found naturally. The substance has the potential to kill any cell in the body, both cancerous or healthy. So…..why am I taking this you wonder?

Chemist and immunologist in Germany have discovered a way to combine the toxic mushroom with an antibody. The antibody acts as a “cab” and transports the toxic mushroom to kill foreign organisms and cancer cells, yet overlooks the healthy cells. So the amanita basically latches onto a cancer cell protein called EpCam and very accurately kills the cancer within that cell. This is very well a death cap mushroom if taken alone however when it is combined with the antibody it leaves the healthy cancer cells alone and just targets the cancer cells.

Much research on amanita phalloides has been done in Germany and it has been found to be successful with colon, breast, and pancreatic cancer as well as Leukemia. Of course many of these studies were in petri dishes and on lab rats but it is being used more and more over in Europe, specifically Germany and Switzerland. Since it is an accumulating treatment, after six to eight weeks of placing ten drops of amanita four times a day on your tongue, they suspect flu like symptoms and just feeling crappy. These symptoms are supposed to indicate if the treatment is working… So I’m at week 5 and I will see what the next couple of weeks bring. Thus far I can’t pinpoint any side effects from the amanita. I just envision it burning away at any cancer cells in my body.

Funny story....My aunt struck conversation with this woman that she sees at the diner every so often and the woman mentioned that her father had stage IV melanomoma, was very sick and had tumors in his organs about 17 years ago. She said that something made him go on this mushroom treatment and after feeling pretty crappy for some time, tumors went away and he didnt have an issue with the melanoma again and 17 years later is still fine. Now that to me is a sign. I believe in all these types of little signs I get along the way. We have to believe and have faith.
 

Life goes on…..despite all the cancer bullshit….things have been going well. Mike’s birthday was a couple of weeks ago and we had a beer tasting party. I just LOVE themed parties with all the decorating and menu planning. Even better is having everyone together and enjoying the fun moments life has to offer. And this past week, my first nephew was born…. Dana and Anthony now have little boy, Anthony Amato Jr!!!!! Babies bring such joy to life and having another little one around is going to be nothing but exciting.

 

 

Did you ever?! Baby AJ

 



BEER TASTING PARTY
GOOD*TIMES

Thank you so much for the continued support. I know life goes on and gets crazy but I know some of you think of me here and there and believe me I feel that energy. For those of you who have been there for me throughout it all with calls, texts, and emails I truly appreciate it. The support really makes the fight that much easier and reminds you to not give up.

May are the activities to support melanoma. On May 5th we are running a 10k (6 miles) to support healing cancer biologically and on May 19th there is a 5k WALK  (3 miles) to support the fight against melanoma. Both are at Eisenhower Park in East Meadow.  The more people the more support. Let me know if you are interested.

http://ccmac.org/

http://www.run-li.com/2011/

Much Love,

LiSa

Peeling the onion

 

2013. January. Time flies. The month of January and with February approaching usually is bittersweet for me. I can’t help but recall and visualize the initial “you have melanoma” moment and all that followed after it. Lymph node dissection…Dr Beg…caring bridge…learning who in
my life is really there for me…radiation…..grueling interferon…endless research…constant doctor appointments…lymphedema….huge arm wrap for a week plus to alleviate the fluid ...lymphedema treatments…arm sleeves daily….long sleeve shirts in the summers…loss of an insane amount of hair….weakness…sadness…frozen shoulder…physical therapy 3+ times a
week….hip pain…limping...”your cancer metastasized, now stage IV”…stomach pains …emergency splenectemy… Ipilimumab trial weeks before our  wedding… colitis …weakness… Hippocrates in Florida …cellect…trips to Paracelsus in Switzerland …  Dr. Rau…tumors melting away… tumors dying off and needing to be surgically removed….black salve ….insane pain…surviving the torment cancer has on your relationships…tears…learning all natural and holistic…self awareness…H wave machine…importance of breathing…daily enemas…green juices…eating all raw and organic…vitamin infusions three times a week… mistletoe shots…medicinal drinks, drops and pills every morning, afternoon and night…finding a balance between extreme diet vs. and “mostly healthy but okay to indulge” diet… weakness… pure exhaustion…extreme arm pain due to tumor in bone marrow…horrid headaches and vomiting… emergency craniotomy…feeling of euphoria…radio frequency ablation to arm tumor…incredible pain…incredible relief…
a completely different Lisa.

Thinking about all that I wrote above and even writing it made me realize just how much pure craziness and triumph I experienced. Coming to four years of being diagnosed with stage IV melanoma, I could happily say that it is no longer bittersweet for me. Being a survivor and feeling better than I ever have since I was diagnosed makes me completely ecstatic. I could easily dwell on the past and the “poor me” mentality but thats just not me… there is nothing I am bitter or angry about. Not only have I grown into a healthier, more appreciative, knowledgeable, down to earth person but so have Mike and my parents. There is nothing we take for granted. Sometimes I think people misunderstand the severity of stage IV melanoma. I should have been dead years ago if I was an average statistic. Its not dramatic antics, it’s the real deal. Melanoma at such a late stage rarely equals surviving, never mind feeling and looking better now then you did at he start of the diagnosis. It usually has a much more grim ending. If it wasn’t for cellect, the holistic remedies, unconditional love and my amazing ability to think positive I would NOT be here today. I’m so incredibly thankful for being blessed with being guided to the holistic path. Somehow, somewhere along the line the universe did anything against its power to turn me away from being blasted with chemo and other “cell killing” drugs.

I have been doing my best at reversing my biological chemistry and killing off those cancer cells for four years now….and I still have my work cut out for me. Its a life long journey. Which Im fortunate for, at least I will always be mindful of being healthy which will naturally lead to good things. If you look at my history…..the cancer initially stemmed in one lymph node…..after the “immune system killing” drug interferon and radiation, it spread like wildfire. I don’t think that is a coincidence that the cancer spread after being blasted with artificial unnatural immune system killing drugs.  After some time on cellect and other holistic means, some tumors melted away others got bigger. Those that got bigger were dying believe it or not. As cancer dies, it causes the tissue to expand and become inflamed; resulting in the pain I had in my stomach and head. The inflammation caused symptoms which resulted in emergency surgeries. Both the pathology results of my splenectemy and my craniotomy were necrotic aka DEAD cancer cells. WOW, I just realized in my last stream of consciousness like post, I never shared that the brain tumor was dead. As you could imagine this news made that euphoric feeling that more pronounced. 

Speaking of necrotic….several days before Christmas, I went to Mt Sinai for a procedure called radio active frequency for my shoulder. Basically I had such severe pain because the tumor in my bone marrow was getting larger resulting in my bone fracturing. Hellllloooo?!!! Bones breaking in general is painful. Them breaking slowly is hell!! It was an “in and out” four hour procedure where they stuck a probe into the tumor, guided by an scan of some sort, and pulsed it with radio active frequency. We chose this procedure because it had success in limiting pain and had a chance of killing the tumor. Well it wound up not being an in and out procedure for me. I was put under anesthesia, and similar to my brain surgery, woke up in such intense horrific horrible pain that was way too unbearable. Even the doctor and the anesthiologist were hurting seeing me in so much pain. It was so bad I had to be admitted for an unexpected night at the hospital for pain management. I was out the next day but prescribed with pain killers which I needed for the days following. However, the pain was worth every second. The tumor was dead and basically liquid that needed an outlet to be released. So that little pin hole in my skin where they stuck the probe oozed to the point where the huge bump on my shoulder went down 90%, resulting in a significant relief of my pain and reduction of the inflammation, therefore the tumor size. Lets just say no more pain killers and better arm movement.


Cancer is not something that just pops up one day….it brews in a body secretly for years. Once we have symptoms it pretty much has taken over. Of course it is best to be proactive and live a healthy and non toxic life but once you are diagnosed with cancer you have to bring your A game. It’s like peeling an onion….it takes many different strategies (layers) to get to the core of complete health and happiness. Nutritional replenishing, diet, support system, breathing, managing stress, meditation, spirituality/faith, exercise, power of love and touch, dealing with deep seeded emotional issues, power of positive thought and acceptance of self are my personal layers to deal with any sickness. In order to be completely healthy all of these layers, perhaps one by one or several at a time, need to be satisfied or “peeled back” to get to the core of the onion… HEALTH!

I love the feeling of loving life, having so much to smile and be thankful for. I completed my course of being a holistic health coach. I look forward to helping others who are struggling with an illness learn just how invigorating and life transforming some simple changes could be. Other than continuing to take care of myself and of course, my husband, I don’t have many other plans as of right now. I am currently in Florida with Mike and our besties, Em and Dave, and next month my mama and I are headed to Switzerland for a rejuvenating and healing trip at Paracelsus.

Its amazing how if you relax and take a seat on the ride of life, the universe will just take you just where you want to be.

Happy and Healthy 2013!! Wishing you Optimism, Smiles, and Success!!

Much love and xoxo’s,

Lisa

Thankful is an Understatement

 

 
Its crazy how much can happen in two weeks time.  The very day of my last blog post, I went to my niece Liliana's first birthday. She and Alexia looked adorable in their pink poofy party dresses. Are you kidding me? This blown up picture of Lily is way too cute. Frog centerpieces and frog fondant cake? adorable.  Oooh I could make a cake like that! Cute idea. I wish Mike could be here to hang out but I understand he has to work. Wow, I feel weird...very hyper. Maybe I had too much coffee this morning. All these kids are adorable....wow these families are really growing. Where is my mom? I'll leave her be...she is always chit chatting. Ok, what the hell is going on? I have a pounding headache that I now can feel in my chest. I'll sit with my cousins. Guys I feel really weird....pounding headache. Just breathe said Brianna. Im trying but this headache is like nothing I ever felt before. Where is Kevin? He should be here any minute.  Should I pick him up? It will probably be faster for him to just walk here. I don't feel well to drive. Wow I am so hyper. My father came over to snap a pic I told him what was going on and that I was going down. Dad, I think Im going to faint.  He took me right outside to get me in the car to take me home. Oh, good!! Kevin! Let me lean on your shoulder for a minute. Kev, I feel really weird....something is wrong. Dad, pull up....I have to throw up..don't want people to see. Something is wrong dad....shit a tumor on the brain. No Lisa, don't say that its probably just a virus. Holy shit....is this what people experience when they get migraines? This is terrible. I feel bad if people actually experience these.   Oh no my dad is missing his granddaughter's first birthday. Not okay. He must go back right now. Anthony and Brianna could stay with me. Holy shit I have to throw up. My poor cousins, they must be freaken out. Thank God they are here. This is bad...what is happening. Jeez, the light is killing my eyes. Oh no I need to throw up again. I cant even talk. I'm just going to sit here with my eyes closed. Poor Brianna and Anthony.  I want to talk with them but cant even think straight. Door opening......who is it? Yes! Mike is home. That is so comforting. Babe, I really don't feel well. Really sick. Maybe I have a virus....my dad said he had this last week. Ok I can sleep. Just stay calm and keep your eyes closed.  Pain killer didn't help the pain. Holy shit what is happening? I never experienced pain at this intensity before. I think I need to go to the ER. No I don't feel like waiting there. It will pass. Wow its 6am already. Mike has to go to work. I love when he tucks me in with more blankets and kisses my forehead before he leaves. Comforting....we will get through this. Thank God my parents are here. I need to get my ass to the ER. My parents will update Mike.  I'm not changing. Who cares.....slippers will be just fine. Woah, there are so many lights and my eyes hurt. My poor parents. I hate pain meds but please give me something. I need relief. Yes triage person, history of melanoma... that's correct. Doctor will be in shortly. Were taking you for some tests. 

Brain MRI shows tumor on right side of brain. It hemorrhaged. Its good its on the right side of the brain. Doesn't deal with coordination.  It has to come out. Ill need surgery.  Mom, did you call Mike? Let him know. We are transferring you to Northshore Manhassett. You will be admitted. Okay, good I can request Dr Beg. He will tell me the right place to go.  Let me text Erica and let her know I wont be in work for a little while. Okay the pain is better. Holy shit I need brain surgery. What surgeon is best? Shit, Stephie had so many complications with her brain surgery. Im scared. Mom, contact Mike B please. I want to go to NYC hospital. Dad, we need to research. Oh boy this is really happening. Just another bump in the road Li, you will get through this.  Ok, I need to take a lot of cellect and supplements from Switzerland. Tumeric is good for inflammation. I'll take a lot before surgery. Mom, please call Fred and Dr Rau to inform them. Dr Rau will let me know what to do after surgery to minimize side effects. Does this have something to do with myofascia release treatment? Is this related to my shoulder pain? Mom, please call and schedule a vitamin infusion for every day next week. Lets replenish the good stuff.

We decided on NY Columbia Presbyterian Cornell Weill. With some minor transportation coordination issues, I finally was transferred to Cornell Weill by ambulance on Tuesday. My mom by my side is so comforting. Ugh she must be so worried. Despite it being a holiday, I was fortunate enough for my surgery to be scheduled on Wednesday. I'm so incredibly thankful for my quite extensive clan of family and friends. I feel the love and positive vibes. I really do. Like going through my body like electricity. We have to pray to Madonna Del Stella and Padre Pio. They will comfort me.  It makes it easier in time of crisis when you have unconditional love and support. I appreciate the visits and that sense of comfort having those people who care about me around. Grandma is so with me... I feel her presence and she will get me through this. 

Tears....F@*k! How did this happen. I was doing so good and such a good path...felt like things were reversing and getting better. I'm angry. This shouldn't be happening. Not with cellect, not with Switzerland, not with all the good I have been doing for my body. People are going to have their comments. See that holistic stuff doesn't work. Who cares Lisa. Bottom line is you know you feel better and will be okay.  Tears rolling down cheek. Don't worry Lisa. We love you. You will get through this. Stop tearing Lisa you have to be strong for everyone. You cry they cry. Oh boy! everyone looks so worried. Don't worry everyone i will be okay. Ugh. Now Thanksgiving is ruined... I'm here.. Last year I was in Switzerland, now in the hospital for surgery. Wow we have a lot to be thankful for. Yes, I can do Black Friday shopping. Mike bought the IPAD. Shopping on morphine....dangerous. Mike is it okay if I shop? Sure Li, its fine. Thanks babe.

Seriously this is the neurological resident? He looks like an elf of some sort."You have a brain tumor." Probably related to the melanoma. Its on a good side. We will cut the bone take it out and then staple the incision closed. We will shave a little piece of your hair and the incision will be right here in an "s" shape. No!! my hair!!! Shit! How much hair? Okay not the end of the world. I look good in hats. I'll blossom style it for awhile. Ok obviously cuter hats then Blossom. Fedora...yeah.

We are going to insert Brachytherapy in your brain once we get the tumor out. Brachy..what? They are radiation beads that will stay in forever. The radiation frequency will diminish in three months time. Very calmly I said I'm not getting that. My dad said we will look into it. I said absolutely not getting radiation pellets inserted in my head for life. Nothing about that sounds okay or my speed. Oh good Mike agrees. Elf man said he will have to see if its okay with Dr Schwartz. Made it clear that it was not an option for radiation pellets to go in my head. My body. My decision.

Tomorrow morning is the surgery. Mom is here with me and Mike will come back in the morning with my dad. I have to wash my hair. Oh no! When will be the next time i could get a blow out? Wow Im out  of it. I guess the pain meds. I hate how my mother cant sleep well here. Surgery was postponed till 4pm. Oh great. Mike and dad will come in a little. Hour later nurse says I need to get a brain MRI then right into surgery. Make up your mind people. Buzzzzz!! No my hair!! Tears. Mom is it bad? No Li its only a little. Oh shit this is really happening. Ok Lisa, after this MRI you will go into OR. Just sign this....says craniotomy on left side with placement of brachytherapy. Very calmly....no thats not correct. I already explained to Dr. Schwartz and elf man that I am not getting bracytherapy and the surgery is on the right side. Come on people. This is serious. Focus.... think before you speak. Okay I will cross it out. No please go fill out a new form correctly. Then I will sign. .

Five hours later, pain is unbearable. Im cold. Cant breathe. Is there a tube around my neck? What the hell is going on I should feel no pain. This is horrific. Where are my parents and mike? Excuse me I cant breathe and I feel a knife going through my brain. You just had brain surgery. No shit but I should not be feeling such intense pain. We are going to try and find your family. Where are they? Please find them quick. Cover me. I'm cold. Can i please have some water. Oh thank god!! Mike. Please can I have a drink. Ice chips with mango coconut water? This is the best thing Ive eaten in awhile. I can live off this. Pain is unbearable. Please get nurse. I need something.

There is a wave in my head. Oh no! please tell me that I don't have fluid on the brain. Why do I feel like a wave is going back and forth in my head. Its okay that's normal. They washed your head and probably got water in your ears. This is a very strange feeling. Ugh this pain. Its 150 on a scale from 1 to 10. We gave you everything. Okay we will get the pain doctors. Hurry please. Stabbing  pain that  is way too unbearable. Morphine pump is going to be administered. I hate it but I need to manage the pain. Okay this is getting better. Headache is getting better. Try and sleep. More ice chips with mango water please. This wave is getting old. This head wrap is too tight. I don't care I'm pulling off. Please Mike loosen it. They wont even know. That's why I have this pain. Thank you!!! That is so much better. They had it wrapped it so freaken tight.

Wave is gone. Pain is tolerable. Its Thanksgiving and I have so many people here who love me. I feel pretty good. I don't feel like I had brain surgery. Makeup is on, all washed up, walking around by myself, feel really good. Thanks to my aunts and mom in law some Thanksgiving dinner in the hospital. Stuffed mushrooms and pastina. Yum. I'm doing so well they could move me out of ICU into stepdown. Pain is not bad anymore. Stop using the morphine pump....you don't need it....poison for the body. Washed up, leggings on, makeup on, leopard scarf. jewelry on and comfy blazer. I feel good and want to go home. But you had brain surgery three days ago. That's okay. I feel great and want to go home. We will check with Dr Schwartz. Thank you.

Emily and Dave!! I am so fortunate for my amazing friends. Ugh I feel bad that they took the trip here before the long trek back to Boston. But Emilina is so comforting. Happy to just have them here. Pretty flowers. They are always on the road....don't know how they do it. But truly thankful to have them here. Thank goodness this brain saga didnt happen when we were visiting them last week. Spleen surgery was when we were visiting them in Boston.

Good news! Friday night and I'm going home. Not only am I going home but I feel so good. Like nothing happened. I passed all Mike's OT tests.....I can text, walk, I have strength, I know where I am and am totally with it. Yes, home it is!! Cant wait for my own bed and just to be with Mike and cuddly Marli. So now what? Nothing really. We will take off the head wrap.  Oh no!! so nerve racking. Don't worry Dr. Schwartz does a great job. You wont be able to tell. Mike I don't want you to see. Li, don't be silly. Okay here goes. Snip Snip. That's it? You cant even tell. My hair covers it. whew! Yay! Lets take a picture. Why is everything going so smoothly? We will get you an MRI and then you can leave. Take these three medications, follow up with local oncologists and get staples removed in ten days. Wow I can go back to work on Monday then. Lets pack up this room....wow we accumulated a lot over a week. Ugh that MRI was so loud and annoying. All looks good. Brains clear. You can go home. Do you want a wheel chair? No. That's silly....I'm totally fine to walk. I'm not one for this whole patient thing.

Home sweet home. Wow its spotless. Not surprising...that's Mike.  I love our home. So cozy. Just where I want to be. I know I have to rest but I love visitors. Everyone is so kind. I have such good people in my life. Lucky girl for sure. Marli!!!!! Oh no she is sick. Maybe she ate too much. She probably is out of sorts and missed us. Dogs sense things.

The weekend was for sure busy with company, delicious food, get well gifts, puzzling, banangrams, lots of texting, movies, Dexter and Homeland and relaxing.

I'm okay to go back to work. I feel fine. I will take one more day to relax but getting restless and antsy. We have an audit coming up and i want to be up to date. I want to check in with the boys. It will be good to get back. I'm so appreciative for my supportive co-workers. Wow, we have been through a lot together. Erica, has helped me so much. Truly appreciative.

Fred called. Believes it is related to myofascia release treatment releasing the pathway causing hemorrhage. Cornell Weill called...the tumor is related to melanoma. No shit people! They suggest chemo and radiation. Very calmy said okay but no thank you. No pathology report is in yet. So how do you know its related to melanoma and why are you suggesting deadly treatments?  Please just send me my pathology report when it gets in. I will not be following up at Cornell Weill. I will continue my own path. Thank you for your time and assistance though. Switzerland is ready and scheduled for mid February.

By Tuesday it settled in.....something strange happened. This was meant to happen. Its like a demon was lifted.  Just like my spleen filled with dead cancer had to come out, this blocked energy in my head had to be released. I feel so bizarrely amazing. Its not like I'm doped up on pain meds either. Ive been taking 1/2 a pain killer a day for shoulder pain, which is nothing .My emotions cant tolerate anymore than that. They make you sad and cry. Not worth it.  

Euphoria?  A state of intense happiness and self-confidence. That is what I'm feeling. I feel so free, clear headed, loved, confidant, stress free, and like I didn't undergo any surgery at all. I have no pain on my head and sleep on the incision side like there is nothing there. I have been so productive, wired, clear, and like I can do anything and everything that I want. Not foggy and out of it like I was for some months now. Something was released. I went back to work on Tuesday and had the most productive work week that I had in a really long time. Writing paperwork was nothing. I was like a machine. Tasks have been so easy and manageable. I put up Christmas Thursday before work all by myself. The house looks adorable. I just love Chirstmas and decorating. I know its crazy.  I feel vulnerable in a way by even writing this.... But something spiritual went on these past two weeks and all that went on was just another part of the healing -one -step closer- to- remission- process. Im at peace, relaxed, and just plain old focused. Thank you for all those positive vibes, prayers and good thoughts. I truly believe that it is that supportive pack like energy and love that is bludgering my cancer to death.

Not sure how long euphoric feeling will last but I'm going to enjoy it when it's here.


So much love and thanks.

Love Always,

LiSa



 

Rebuilding

Its been awhile since my last post and so many are contacting me to see how I am doing. Thank you for your concern and well wishes. Like in most of our lives, cancer diagnosis or not, a lot has been going on. Hurricane Sandy for starters!!!! Thinking back I don't even know what I've been up to...time just flies!!!! My 30th birthday was in September and the celebrations were all weekend long. My parents and Mike had a surprise birthday party for me, Mike took me out east to the wineries overnight, and then I had another surprise party with all my family. I couldn't have thought of another way I would have liked to spend my birthday. To say the least my birthday was emotional.  Not because I turned 30 but because birthdays are now always emotionally. When you have a cancer diagnosis or an illness birthdays are a reminder that you survived yet another year and you treasure the memories you made that much more. When your doctor is hesitant to tell you how many more months or years you are going to live it alludes to the fact that it wont be very long. Well its been four years and I'm still here and not going anywhere. The emotional birthdays stem from appreciation and gratitude that I was led down the path I was....giving me a better prognosis and letting me continue to live.

This February will be four years since that dreadful day I was diagnosed. I cant even believe it has been four years. Initially I was in some sort of denial about the seriousness of my cancer, then it hits you and you are overwhelmed, depressed and like "why me?" Then the fight mode sets in, you stop pitying yourself and you become determined to do whatever it is to help yourself and kill the cancer. Determined I was!!! I did everything and anything that would destroy my cancer cells. It was trial and error.....I first listened to my doctors like a good little girl then I began rebelling to do some "outside of the box" treatments. I'm thankful that I chose the path of rebeliion as I know 98% that I would not be here updating this blog if I succumbed to conventional treatments without any diet changes or alternative treatments.

God only knows how long my body has been sick and cancer cells were taking over. Initially those symptoms are getting sick often (low immune system), weakness and fatigue then when the cancer really takes over the symptoms are more apparent externally such as enlarged lymph nodes and pale coloring. Just like it took time, like my whole life, for the cancer to take over, it takes time to rebuild the body on a cellular level. By taking cellect , changing my diet, and doing all the other natural treatments, I started rebuilding my body one cell at a time. We have so many freaken cells that this takes a long time and patience is required. Not only does the cells have to rebuilt but your emotional state has to also heal. Any trauma requires healing and for our heart and soul to deepen to a new level of awareness and understanding. So, four years later, I am at a very different place. I came to terms with the fact that I have cancer and I know that my body continues to heal and that complete remission is going to take longer than expected and will require a life long dedication to optimal health  and nutrition. Fortunately, I don't perceive this as an inconvenience but rather a blessing. It led me to be healthier and focus on what really matters in life rather than materialistic things and nonsense.

So do you wonder how I have been feeling? I'm doing pretty good energy wise. I am no longer fatigue like I used to be. My blood work is great which is a very important indicator in the world of cancer. My biggest complaint as of lately is that I have been having trouble with my shoulder ever since I had an invasive lymph node dissection and my arm was blasted with radiation (if i could just turn back the clocks.......) I went to physical therapy three times a week for years resulting in a slight improvement. I tried acupuncture, massage therapy, electric stimulation machines, pretty much anything I could find to alleviate my shoulder issues. In the summer, I began having severe pain in my shoulder where I could barely use it. I went to several orthopedic oncologists who indicated that I have a tumor in my bone marrow. This tumor is pressing on my bone causing it to fracture which quite clearly explains the excruciating pain I have been in. So, the orthopedic oncologist suggested two different types of VERY invasive and horrific surgeries. As of right now its a no brainer....absolutely not unless it becomes last resort in the future. So there are several other treatments that we are looking into that could be beneficial. My friend Beth, who now rests in peace, had a magnetic frequency machine that she purchased from Switzerland. Keith, her amazing husband, was nice enough to allow me to borrow it. Since using this machine I have been feeling 70% better!!! I know part of it has to do with Beth being present and offering me healing energy.  :)  Then I spoke to Fred the other day at the cellect support group, and he is convinced that the pain and dysfunction in my shoulder is due to a blockage (pinched nerve etc). My myofascia release therapist also agrees with this explaining that the pathways can be blocked resulting in the shoulder not receiving what it needs to. Its funny because I feel like my shoulder is dead, okay maybe use of the word "turned off" would be more optimistic. It actually feels as though it is not receiving what it needs to. Decision making is not my forte. Which can be a good thing because what if i just opted to get such a scary and invasive surgery when a series of gentle chiropractic or myofascia release visits can release my shoulder pain?!!!
Ill keep you posted....

Before ending, I would like to say that my heart goes out to all those effected by Hurricane Sandy, especially those people that I know personally. I still cant get over the fact that this horrific Hurricane occurred in my own backyard.  It is very scary and mind boggling how our weather patterns are changing so much that they are putting us at danger. There are many parts of Long Island that look like a war zone. So scary and sad.......I lost power for 8 days and dealt with all the inconveniences such as long gas lines and hostile people that most people dealt with. However, I consider that nothing and am fortunate that all my family and anybody I know was not physically harmed by the hurricane. I cant even imagine the anger and trauma that so many people went through in the past month since Sandy. Luckily, with all the resources being offered people will be able to rebuild their lives,  and not lose sight of the most important thing, that no matter what we have to deal with in life, we can rebuild and repair and one day look back and remember it as a passing nightmare. As long as we have love, family and support we got it all!!!

I wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving and hope that people take the time to express or think about what they are really thankful for in their life.

Strength, peace, and love,

xoxo

LiSa

An Instant Connection

It’s incredible where life takes us and who we get to meet along the way. I can’t recollect when exactly I had the pleasure of meeting Beth King. I do remember the location and that moment of instant connection. We were at a cellect support group. I attended the monthly meetings and she was a new face in the crowd. I felt her eyes on me as the meeting was in progress. I kept wondering why I was the one person she was drawn to. Maybe because I was young like her? Maybe I knew her from somewhere and just couldn’t recall? She eventually mouthed to me “Lisa” in a questionable tone. I was confused…thinking how does she know my name? Then she explained that she was at the support group that day because she read my blog post. She recognized me from pictures posted on my blog. That was it from the moment on we had this connection, one that will never die.

We exchanged information and soon after spoke on the phone, sharing our personal battles with cancer. Beth, who looked like she was in her early thirties, was a forty something mother to three beautiful children. I remember being shocked. She looked amazing despite her battle with inflammatory breast cancer. I learned that Beth loved to dance and had a successful dance studio and hot Pilates studio. She became an inspiration from that day on. She invited me to her studio for a class and I regret so much for not taking that opportunity.

The cancer world becomes this interwoven web where us patients all begin knowing the same people and treatment providers. Beth and I were going to many of the same doctors and healers and had the pleasure of crossing each other’s paths often. Its not easy to explain but these appointments are draining and emotionally painful, however when you have the pleasure of seeing that beautiful smile of Beth’s and her husband, Keith’s incredible dedication to his wife and children, even if it was a quick “hello, goodbye, stay strong” moment it made everything better. We would chit chat during our vitamin c drips and share treatment options with each other. The Paracelsus klinik is a place I find very comforting and feel very much connected to. So when Beth returned from Switzerland and we shared all our stories about Dr Rau and the rest of the staff and our mutual connections overseas, it was comforting. She looked so much better. Her coloring was more vibrant, her extremely inflamed arm went down considerably, and that smile was still shining on. That was even more comforting.

Last week, when I did my every now and then “thinking of you, just checking in” text to Beth, Keith responded that I need to gather up the troops to pray as Beth had fluid in her heart and was fighting for her life. I prayed and prayed but I honestly thought that she would be fine and that she was not going anywhere. Several hours later, I received a text from Beth’s phone written by Keith saying “ She passed away today Lisa. She loved u kid!” I felt so angry and distraught that this amazing woman who fought so damn hard to be here for her husband and children was now an angel looking over us. I truly knew in my heart that she was going to make it, I never thought differently. I guess I was in some serious denial. I cant really pinpoint how I feel but part of me feels like I let her down. Like I didn’t steer her in the right direction. I know I shouldn’t think like that but I do. For those battling similar battles, like myself, it is so very emotional when those who were fighting beside us pass. It’s just a vivid a real reminder of just how unpredictable this journey is.

Why is it that the really good people who have so much love radiating off of them and so much to offer to the world, have to be taking at such a young age?

Earlier this week I had my first vitamin infusion since Beth passed. I dreaded the moment of walking in to that place all week, knowing that it was going to be terribly painful and heart wrenching. I even contemplated going elsewhere to get a vitamin drip. And just as expected, it was so hard to be there without that beautiful smiling face. I cried and cried and just recollected all the moments, both fun and serious, that I had with Beth. The other patients asked where “my friend” was since they haven’t seen her for a couple of weeks. I had to share the heart breaking news with the other cancer fighters in the room. They too were so distraught. We all cried together. So here we are, in a little part of Beth’s world, her weekly infusion place, and that feeling of loss was soooo prevalent. So just imagine in here bigger world…… her family, friends, her studio, her everyday life…..just how much she made an impact and will be missed.

I didn’t know her extended family or her children well, however I did have the pleasure of experiencing the loving and glowing energy when I visited her home and attended her fundraising event. You could just feel the warmth and love that Beth had for her family and vice versa. Sometimes I just don’t get why things happen in life but I do know that Beth will forever be an angel watching over her amazing and dedicated husband and she will always be there to comfort and shine her love on her three children and steer them in the right direction.

Tomorrow is her memorial service and celebration. Everyone was asked to wear white. Something about that is so comforting. Perfect color for celebrating a beautiful soul that will forever touch my life.

http://www.loveforbeth.org/LfB/home.html


miss and love you Beth....



 

Raw Thoughts

" There is life before a cancer diagnosis and life after the diagnosis....life will never be the same as before." Somebody at the klinik this week said this to me and it really had me thinking. Prior to my devastating news years ago, life was good....Mike and I were living it up and enjoying all the stuff that most young couples enjoy. We were both happy, our love for one another was radiating and we were settling into our careers.

Then BAM, Lisa has stage III melanoma....and has to undergo surgery, chemo, and radiation. And if thats not enough a year later Lisa has stage IV cancer....the cancer metastasized to her spleen, hip bone, lungs, and liver. Clinical trial? Conventional? Holistic? Decisions decisions... On top of it all a month or so after initially diagnosed Mike proposed.... a day I will never forget that will forever make me smile ear to ear and elicit goosebumps instantly on my skin. The whats-suppose-to-be-joyous wedding planning, was tainted with my, with our, fight against cancer. When I was in it I was happy to have a distraction and truckin along with treatment, decorating our new beautiful home, and for the meticulous Virgo in me, hastily, rather than anally, planning our wedding. I was happy as ever on our wedding day but I was sick, and not myself. I used every little ounce of energy in me to enjoy and dance the night away. The Italy wedding and honeymoon was also tainted by the cancer. I lost energy to go gallivanting toward the end of the honeymoon and became really sick from indulging in all the delicious Mediterranean cheeses and bread.  Our Italy wedding was amazing as anything but I was so weak ...so sick...so emotional.

Looking back, our young lives were so impacted, and we both began to feel the normal stressors that come along with cancer. We were so strong, together, but there comes a point where it builds and builds and you begin to break. Truthfully, no one really knows the impact unless your living it first hand. Will Lisa live? Will this be a life long battle? These thoughts are tough and take there toll. Do I work and take a paycut? No, I cant... I would feel horrible not contributing to our household. Im not a homebody....my mind needs to be preoccupied. But should I dedicate my time to healing and curing myself? The dietary tweaking was constant. Should I eat this? Am I allowed this? I will just stick to vegetables because I know thats safe. But NO.....what about protein, fruits, and grains? There were many losses to get used to. Do I continue to go to Switzerland? Its disgustingly costly....I feel terrible the astronomical amount this is costing my parents. My dad worked so hard....for what....sending his daughter for this ridiculously costing holistic care? Why do I have this privilege to undergo this biological treatment? What about other people who are suffering that would never be able to afford this? There was always important decisions to be pondered about. Socially things became difficult....I couldnt drink alcohol, I could no longer indulge in the fun Italian dinners at my in-laws, I had to eat very specifically and Mike was supportive and followed my strict diet.  Mike's diet changes brought me guilt. Its unfair... I wanted him to enjoy his lifelong comfort and "manly" foods. Despite knowing it was healthier for him you still get comfort out of seeing those people you love enjoy their food, especially their traditional foods. I was so focused on curing myself. I had tunnel vision....cancer....I need to cure this cancer....what could I research next....what could I blog about.....what else should I do to help myself...infusion? acupuncture? work? preparing healthy food? morning regimen of ....enema, drinking supplement drinks, taking drops and downing pills? physical therapy? lymphatic massage? exercise? Hmmm....how much can I fit in a day? What about whats most important? My relationships, my amazing husband and making time for those people in my life that keep me going. That naturally gets lost in this I -got-to-fight-this-god-damn-cancer journey.  

So, yes, its very true that life prior to being diagnosed will never be the same but whos to say which is better? Im thankful from all that I learned since being diagnosed. I feel a hell of a lot healthier now then I did in the past and I learned how to treat our bodies. Mike as well....he is super fit and health conscious. Everything happens in stages....baby steps...and eventually the balance between extreme diet and a healthy diet routine comes into play. You learn that your allowed to indulge every once in awhile and have to live a little. You find peace in talking to fellow cancer/life threatening disease warriors. The importance of "giving back" becomes that more heightened. Who is truly there for you is revealed. You learn to appreciate life for what it is and focus on whats really important rather than the gluttony and the need to want want want. You lose patience for people's bullshit. You distance yourself from those who lead stressful days and unnecessary dramatic antics. After going through a very tough situation first hand, its difficult to wrap your head around the nonsense and the unnecessary drama that people create in their own lives. You learn to let go and realize that its not worth it to stress about. These are only things that could harm our morale and central nervous system. You appreciate everyday for what it is and enjoy it. You feel a real sense of gratitude that you are fortunate to have the opportunity to be able to undergo such life changing yet costly treatment. You learn that anything is possible with the support from one another. You value relationships that much more. You learn the beauty ad intensity of a parents love for their daughter.  You learn to balance and prioritize whats most important for the mind and body and spend time with those people you love in your life. You learn to be conscious of breath and value your body on a totally new level. You learn that positive attitude and energy is critical. You learn that cancer is NOT an outside invader and that the internal milieu must be completely revamped. The dietary changes and new lifestyle becomes routine and not so alien-like.  You learn the power of love and that its the number one and best treatment that one will ever have. You learn that life post cancer diagnosis is better in many ways then pre cancer diagnosis....

Much Love and Appreciation,

LiSa