Friday, January 13, 2012

The Black in my days continues...

My first application of Black Salve aka "Black" was on December 10, 2011. So here we are a little over a month and we still have more work to do. Lots of fluid and parts of the tumor have came out resulting in the tumor being much smaller than what it started out to be. Around the end of December when I applied more, there was stinging and a reaction but it seemed to be that the tumor was stuck and was having trouble having its roots severed. I know I try and be like a Doctor and all but lets face it I have no experience with this stuff and am winging all of it. Who would have ever thought I would put some black stuff on myself to break my skin open to release a dead tumor from my body.....absolute craziness. As I said many of times, I will do anything in my power to get to the beautiful word REMISSION. Actually its not that beautiful it still has an associated -with- cancer feel but you know what I mean.....So feeling kind of stuck because the tumor was stuck I decided to reach out to a Dr. in Australia who has much experience with Black. I scheduled a phone conversation with him this past Saturday. In preparation I sent him a detailed health history as well as explicit and gruesome pictures of what the salve has already accomplished. In the cutest Aussie accent he explained to me that the tumor is dead and since it is a lymph node it is deep rooted. He said he was confidant that the remainder of the tumor would come out if I was to be diligent and put the salve on everyday. He said I could leave it on for 48 hours rather than the normal 24 hours, take it off and leave it off for a couple of hours and than put it back on again for 48 hours and basically repeat until this son of a b*tch is out. So come Monday I reapplied and left it on for 48 hours and I know I'm tough and could handle a lot....but Jeesh....that was some painful 48 hours. I required pain medicine....I started with my all natural pain drops that I got from Switzerland and then required the harder stuff. I felt like saying screw it and rubbing the black off but with lots of self talk and encouragement from the family I decided to grin and bear it. My dad reminded me to say "Nam-myoho-renge-kyo" , a Japanese chant of some sort to make your thoughts come true, as I pictured the pain as the cancer being ripped away from my body. I know I know....the things we do. But these days I believe in it all and why not give it a whirl? The Black created a very strong reaction, my skin blistered and became raw like you wouldn't believe. For this week I have to go against the Aussie Dr's directions of putting it on daily due to my cousin getting married tomorrow and me not wanting to be in excruciating pain somewhere in the corner of the catering hall.

The plan = come Sunday I will reapply and have Black Salve on everyday until it come out. I will continue this for several weeks and have much pain relief on hand. Why not be a "normal" person and get surgery? First off being normal is over rated and second off it will be hard for me to find a surgeon who will agree to JUST take out the dead tumor rather than extra tissue which will make recovery more difficult. Furthermore, having surgery will not guarantee that they will get all the cancer whereas Black's job is to detect that crap and spit it out of the body. What if for some reason Black doesn't get it all out? Despite being very confidant that this will work I'm also a realist and know it may not. If that's the case I will look high and low until I find a reputable surgeon to remove my dead tumor and nothing more.

There is something comforting when everyone you are working with is on the same page. Its something that rarely happens in the world of cancer, especially when on the holistic route. However, my mother went to cellect support group and mentioned to Fred that I was using Black. He said that he has not heard much about it but the bottom line is that the dead tumor needs to come out. See cellects job is too kill everything and make the body in better balance. However, when there is so much to kill it remains contained in the body. This effects the body in other ways because it still notices something bad that needs to be worked on which as a result causes the body to continue working overtime and become fatigued or run down. So for me the deadness pooled in my spleen, thus the reason it hemorrhaged and needed to be removed. Then the lymph node died off and became a hard scar like tissue which the body cant just break down and remove. Unfortunately this needs either surgery or some random and quite secretive salves in this world we lived in such as Black. So anyways, Fred agreed that I should give Black a try and see if it works, if not opt to have the surgery. He even offered his connections and said he will find someone who will just be willing to remove the tumor. So my friends, time will tell. I really hope and believe that the Black will work. I know its going to be a hell of a couple of weeks....painful as anything but nothing I cant get through.

If this tumor comes out I and Mike and my immediate family will be ecstatic!! We will be singing from the roof tops for sure. From there we will have to see if the baby spot on my liver is still present....if not.....cancers in the clear!! I will schedule an MRI or ct scan to see how my livers holding up soon. Of course a lot of good happened in 2011 as that's when my body was fighting half this shit off but I put 2011 behind me real quick. It was a tough emotional and heart wrenching year, but with all turmoil comes growth. It is that growth that 2012 will show. I never embraced a new year like I did 2012, I feel in my gut that I will finally be able to move on. I will never move on from the world of cancer as my heart is now embedded in it to help others suffering and I will always have to be on point to be sure my melanoma doesn't come creeping back. Melanoma likes to come back and visit and in order to keep it from intruding the diligency must be there. However, when it is no longer considered stage IV and a direct battle I will be able to live my life rather than spend my days fighting for my life. That is an amazing thing.

For those of you that don't know, I'm now a psychic junkie. I used to be skeptical but now I'm a believer. I totally understand those who don't believe in it and feel its some voodoo nonsense but when days get so bogged down by sadness it is nice to hear some hopeful news about your future. I went to a psychic recently and my grandmother came through....she said she sees 'remission' and that I have long longevity. She reassured me that she is hearing all my daily prayers, and even said I am overwhelming her a little. Well maybe its not only me and it is all the other people praying to here just knowing she will come through ;). She also said in my current employment role I'm a healer and I was born a natural healer. Grandma said that I have a whole lot of papers around me having to do with education and I should go for it. Wow.... even from  up there she is such a smart cookie!!

It has always been my passion to help others and now being through all I have, I'm even more passionate about helping people who are facing life threatening diseases or even every day discomforts that are preventing them from enjoying their lives. Its incredible what our bodies are capable of as long as they are provided with the right nutrients and we are balancing our stress.  So, the Virgo I am, and always wanting change and something new, I am going back to school to be a holistic health coach. I am super ecstatic as I cant wait to graduate and begin helping people reach optimum health. Its a career that I could eventually incorporate into my current career as a health coach compliments a career as a social worker very well. Best part is I get to learn how to treat my own body along the way. I will heal others as I heal myself. Whats more rewarding than that?

I hope everyone is doing well and I wish you all a happy and healthy year in 2012. This weekend should be a fun one celebrating with the family. Tomorrow my younger cousin, Kathleen, is getting married and I have the honor to be one of her matron of honors and Sunday is my sister-in-law, Jessica's birthday. And Monday relatives from Italia are visiting! Good times good times!! All good things to celebrate with our families :)

I will be sure to keep you updated on black. Feel free to say "Nam-myoho-renge-kyo" and picture what ever it is that your heart desires. Need a suggestion? For this damn cancer to go away!!!

Peace and Strength,