Thursday, November 24, 2011

So much to be thankful for....

Well here I am in Switzerland for Thanksgiving. Luckily the hustle and bustle with the busy schedule at the klinik today kept me busy, but this evening thinking about Mike and everyone back at home gathering around to celebrate the holiday made me a little melancholy. As much as it would be wonderful to be home for the holiday I am very happy and fortunate to be here getting the treatments I need to rid this cancer.

I have been undergoing vitamin infusions with many different holistic remedies on a daily basis along with ozone intravenously. The ozone creates a very weird feeling very an elephant is standing on your chest and you need to gasp for air. Luckily it is something that only last for 15 minutes or so but it brings me back to my asthma attack days and that fear of not being able to breathe. I also have several magnetic treatments that basically balance out the magnetic elements in the body. The areas that are affected or diseased have an unproportionate of paramagnetic elements and these magnetic devices relieve the pain or the issue. I also have been getting a lot of deep muscle work done on my shoulder to break up the crazy degree of tightness and  the thick amount of scar tissue. My therapist said my skin around my scapula is like "stone" and boy did he dig at it for a whole hour. It was a relief to soften it up a bit but I will be sore tomorrow for sure.

Regarding my current tumors, I have the same two at the moment....the one in the liver and the one under my arm. However, according to my ultrasound today the one in the liver was not visible. This is good news in that it cant be too big but there is still a possibility that it just was in a spot that was not visible via ultrasound. As for the one under my arm, it shows that the tumor in the lymphnode is secluded from the tissue under my arm. The reason this is important is it can be removed without affecting other lymph nodes and cutting deep under the tissue. So it is an idea I am bouncing around but I rather not subject myself to the knife of a conventional oncologists. Hate to say it ....I just dont trust if they will go ahead and take out more than necessary once I am knocked out on anesthesia. Also, I dont even know if they would be in agreement as it is not protocol to remove a tumor once the cancer has metasisized to other organs in the body. Plus the tumor has a medium vascular rate according to the ultrasound which shows that it is still cancerous and it may be best to try and kill off the cancer cells before messing with surgery.

BLACK goes....its a natural drawing agent that literally will suck out the cancer/tumor. All Dr. Rau had to do was mention that he did it for another patient and he had success and I have been asking him to let me give it a try. It would be applied on to the skin of the tumor site and after some time it will begin to draw the tumor closer and closer to the surface until it begins to break the skin and literally fall out. It will leave an open wound and be pretty gross to look at for some time. It sounds crazy and I dont know what to expect really....will it just roll out and drop on the floor or something? Will I have to go into the open wound and take it out? Dr. Rau sounds like he wants to try it on me but has reservations about the open wound it will leave. He said only heroic people could try black salve... He said I was a good candidate but I figured I would continue to prove my heroism when I told him I was injecting my tumor at home to withdraw blood. I thought he was going to say I was crazy and get upset with me. Well crazy he thought I was but he said it was good that I did and said it was good blood came out as this means "good luck." His theory is that blood from a tumor is a good sign that is dying off. Im not certain what we will do....we will make a decision on Monday if I will begin the black salve. Its best if I try it here because I know myself....once something is placed in this head of mine....I will get my hands on some black salve in the states and try it on my own. Its either that or taking a knife to this damn thing and cutting it out one of these days. Just kidding....well kinda...

Its funny....when I was younger and thought about what I was thankful for it was always the cliche, friends, food, a house to live in, etc. While all those things listed are still things I am still very much thankful for, its just different since having a diagnosis of cancer. I came to appreciate things at a whole different level. Each and every day is different and I am so thankful to still be here. But that of course is obvious and a no brainer. Things that use to stress me and frustrate me no longer do. I have a better understanding of 'everything happens for a reason' and people come and go from our lives for a reason. I now am able to just glance around nature and escape my thoughts and just focus on the beauty in front of me.  There is no point to think about the what if's. So rather focus on the what ifs, I will focus on the "thank gods." Thank god for this opportunity to go through this journey of cancer. It sounds ridiculous but it is the truth. I had the pleasure to meet such wonderful people who are also battling such horrific diseases as well as those people helping cure others. Thank god for Fred and Cellect. Thank god for Dr Stills for all her help and for recommending Dr Rau and the Paracelsus Klinik.  I thank god for being SO incredibly fortunate to have found an alternative route to treating the body systemically.  Not only has all I learned on this journey been priceless but the changes that I made along the way are only going to better my future. Yes a lot of change has taken place...with change comes a lot of pain and turmoil ......but in the end it creates a stronger and more knowledagble me and makes my relationships with those that mean the world to me stronger.

I am so thankful to have such an incredible support system to aid me in this fight against melanoma. Believe me, I have met many people along my journey and they dont all have such an amazing support system that I have been so fortunate to have. I know that most of the battle is up to me but if I didnt have that encourgement and support from Mike, my parents, my brothers, my family, and all those of you who have been here along the way I couldnt have came as far as I have. For that I am thankful.  

As for tomorrow....I am not very fifth time in the hyperthermia.... aka the human heat box. So nerve racking!!! I will be in a totally closed box (okay with a very small window of ventilation ) of a total of four hours. During my last visits I had some crazy (somewhat appropriate) and scary thoughts when I was in that thing.  You never know where the "heat box" is going to bring your psychological psyche......Im a fighter and will be fine but wish me luck !!!!   :/

Happy Thanksgiving!! Have some stuffing, sweet potatoes, string beans, cornbread, and antipasto for me!!!

Much Thanks, Peace, and Love,



S Kauf said...

"Black Salve"...yummy...!! Lol...
"...only heroic people would try black salve." Girl, you injected your own tumor to suck out the blood! I would say that is pretty brave - YOU ARE ONE TOUGH MAMACITA (and maybe a little crazy, but ya gotta be in this lifetime, no? lol)!!!
Good luck in the heat box today (it's 9:49 pm here, it's 3:49 am where you are now) - think HEALING thoughts and know that everyone will be doing the same for you...xoxo

amanda said...

there are no words for your amazingness. GO LISA GO LISA GO!!! I love you always xoxo Stay tough, stay positive! Your the best.

mperdikouris said...

We are thankful to have you here Li. You are a constant reminder and inspiration to the people in your life that we should be thankful for LIFE. I believe in you and I believe in your mission. Always live by the QU motto; "Go Hard or Go Home". XOXO