Tuesday, November 29, 2011

When will this chapter close?

Im still here in Switzerland. I was hoping that this would be my last visit to the klinik but it just doesn't look that way. Im not sure if its a security thing coming back here and getting everything done under one roof or what. I always tend to be overly optimistic which is good to a certain degree but I tend to think that I will get results that all is perfect and Im fine. My definition of fine obviously is cancer free and free of any lumps and bumps. So no such luck because at this point I still have this very annoying constant cancer reminding tumor under my armpit and it still shows melanoma. So that fear of the cancer taking over the body once again makes me feel anxious if i was not to return and to just trust my gut.

Optimism? It is how one looks at it because I have to remember where I started.....the cancer metastasized in nearly a year after being diagnosed to my liver, spleen, hip bone, paratracheal nodes, lungs, and auxilla lymph nodes. Now all cleared except the one under my arm and the small spot on the liver which is inconclusive as it showed up on my pet scan but not on the ultrasound. so all in all that is huge progress and I am very thankful for that. I also was so sick to the point where my energy plummeted, my hair was breaking off by touch, and I felt sickly like my body was failing. I no longer have any of that which all is a good sign that my body is on track to optimum health and wellness.  Also the bottom line is that a diagnosis of stage IV melanoma very rarely allows one to live longer than 1-4 years! Im still here and feeling pretty damn healthy which in itself is something to be optimistic about!!

My test results thus far vary but for the most part have improved. My blood work according to the doctors is better then it ever has been. They indicated that my blood is doing MUCH better with my spleen gone. My zinc level continues to be low so I will be taking extra zinc and they will try and figure out why it is that Im not absorbing zinc very well. My lymphocyte test, which monitors my immune system and how the mistletoe injections are working, showed that my natural killers improved. My defending cells are also more balanced however there is room for improvement. My thermomography also showed decent results...my hormones are better balanced and my lymph system improved since my last visit. My digestive track could continue to use some work according to the thermomography. One of the big tests for melanoma is measuring Protein S100, which is the tumor marker for melanoma specifically. Its currently at 1.30 which is lower than my last visit but higher than my first. A normal range (a person without melanoma) is 0.2 and it could go as high as 10 in really severe cases of metastasis. So in a nutshell those tests that came back have all showed an improvement or stayed the same which in the world of cancer is HUGE. Im awaiting results from my food intolerance test, heavy metal toxicity, fatty acids test, and the test that determines if my current diet is cancer or non-cancer friendly.  

As for my biggest and most annoying indicator of melanoma.....the tumor under my arm. I have been having daily injections directly into it of a low dose chemo and other homeopathic therapies on a daily basis. I also have the not so pleasure of having ozone injected into it. AHHHH!!! Painful as all hell!!! It became very swollen and was "talking" as I say. Luckily it only last a little while and was more tolerable after some time. The decision that now needs to be made is whether or not I am going to have it removed surgically or try the black salve. Basically, all these injections are helping to kill it but it could be that it always remains there even is it has died off. This is because it becomes similar to scar tissue and the body does not break it down. So this is the reason I decided that it is coming out....I just have to sit with it for a little and decide which method to use to eliminate it.

Call me crazy but I really feel that it is going to be one big ball of necrosis (deadness). Melanoma is a systemic cancer. So even though I am focusing on this tumor (hard not to) my body is showing good results systemically (good blood, improved tumor marker, improved lymph system). So this to me is something to stay focused on!!! As Dr. Rau says the less masses in the body the easier to heal the body. So now I, little Miss indecisive, has to make a very difficult decision to get this thing out of my body.

Hyperthermia time!!!
My hyperthermia went quite well. I reached 102.2 fever which is pretty good (highest allowed is 104). This time around was not as psychologically distressing as the other times I was in the heat box when I was thinking absolute craziness. I actually studied for a big exam I have coming up while I was contained in the tight space. Not too bad.

Im so ready for this all to be a distant memory...Im SO ready to move on and just continue living a happy and fulfilled life.  Im fortunate to have learned as much as I have from this journey, changed my lifestyle, and that Im still alive. I know that my current chapter is not only building the foundation for my future chapters but its is also helping shape my life story.

Strength, Love, and Appreciation,



Formats said...

Hey there sweetness. Just sitting here at work and missing and thinking about ya. Hope this road continues to show positive results and your attitude continues to remain high in the sky! We all miss you here and I want you to know that you are a fighter on the road to recovery and wellness, and we are all right here behind you to push you through the lines.

Love you and see you on Friday

LiSa said...

Thanks baby!! I miss you terribly and cant wait to get home and see you and the 'baby girl.' This journey has truly put stress on us like know one would ever know. Im so fortunate to have a husband and best friend to support me along this unpredictable and very unconventional way of life. Finding out that I was coming home Friday rather than saturday made my day!!!

Love you